Having your own interests in a relationship

[Howlongtilldinner]

My partner (we don't live together) is retired. I work full time. He has a hobby which he does during the week and one day at the weekend.

I have no hobbies/interests at present, but have been looking at one of late. My partners hobby is on a Saturday, my one would be a Sunday throughout the summer. I feel resentful he gets to do his hobby 6 days a week and I am putting mine off because it's on the other day of the weekend. He will not change his weekend day.

What would you do?

How often do you see each other? How would that fit with his/your commitment to your hobbies?

You sound resentful of the time he spends on his. Have you discussed that with him?

I would still do my hobby and see eachother before/after the hobby is over.

How long would each of you be spending doing your respective hobbies at the weekend?

Surely you can still see each other?

I think having your own hobbies and interests is very important.

Yeah it's important to have your own interests but he should be interested in spending time with you and not so inflexible
If you make yourself busy all of Sunday and he's busy all Saturday then when are you seeing each other? Part of a relationship should be prioritising seeing your partner some of the time

IMO is U to do the hobby for a full day every weekend when he has all week to do it and you work FT.

"Interests" doesn't necessarily mean hobbies, could be socialising, politics, reading, volunteering, being on boards.

It would be fairer for him to switch his to the same day as yours, or do alternate weeks.

I'd do the hobby. If his hobby is flexible and he could do it on a Sunday too, but just won't, then I would think "stuff it" and I'd probably get more out of the hobby than the relationship.

I don't see why he should change an established routine to fit around someone else. Why would you be resentful of something he's always done?

I don't see why he should change an established routine to fit around someone else

No, me neither.

If he's happy to, then fair enough, if not. Then that's fine too.

Do your hobby on the Sunday and then see what happens. You can always revisit your respective decisions later, but I certainly wouldn't put off doing an interest as you have indicated.

How does he feel about you doing your hobby on Sundays?

I don't think he should have to change but I wouldn't not do my hobby either.
Me and my bf are both pretty busy with hobbies, his can sometimes take both weekend days. But the most important thing for us is that our relationship is most important and does come first, that requires a degree of negotiating and we do swap and changes days/times etc. If that wasn't the case, I'd question if there was any point to us being together.

He's retired, and has chosen to spend his time on a particular activity and this takes up his (former) working week and one day at the weekend. I really don't see the issue with that.

OP wants to take some sort of summer course on Sundays, so that's a number of weeks where weekend daytimes will be spent separately.

Why is that a problem?

If you are seeking to pressure him to change his activity, I think you would be wrong.

Thank you all..

I don't want to stop his hobby at all, but he is inflexible with his Saturday, and for the Summer I can only do the Sunday. I have put this off for a long time because he gets 'funny' but I am not living my life but he's getting to live his, for that I'm resentful.

We can see each other in the evenings and I won't do every weekend either.

I think you should be happy for him that he has a hobby he loves so much. I spend loads of time on mine because it is a massive part of my life and if my partner didn't understand that, I couldn't stay with him. Maybe you'll like your new hobby so much you won't want to be flexible with it either.

Oh!! So it's ok for him to do what HE wants and not you.

I think you should continue to live apart.

Do your hobby on Sunday Op. if he gets funny offer to miss every other Sunday if he'll miss every other Saturday. If he's not willing to do that I'd think about calling it quits.

For the record, I have never asked him to compromise his hobby, and never would. As loopy said up thread, he has all week to do his hobby, I have 2 days to fit everything in.

My interest would sometimes be a few hours, or most part of the day. My issue is, if I were to have a hobby and I couldn't be flexible, I would not restrict my partner to my regime, I certainly wouldn't get 'funny'.

I have chewed this over a lot in my head, just wanted to get some opinions.

Thanks again

I think the fact that he expects you not to take up your interests, but keep that time for him, yet his unwillingness to be flexible or sacrifice anything himself, says an awful lot. None of it good about him or how he sees your relationship.

I guess it depends. If his hobby is football and that is when the match is played (for example) he can't really change the day without giving it up. H works on a Saturday morning, I go running then. Most Saturday afternoon's he watches football and I go and see my elderly parents.

Could you do your hobby on a Saturday too?

What do you mean by "funny" - as in he doesnt want you to do it?

Just do it. You deserve a hobby too. If he doesn't want to be flexible, let him. Miserable bugger.