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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm clingy and anxious and hate it

4 replies

inspiredbutohsotired · 06/06/2017 23:18

Context: been with DP a few years, expecting our first DC soon. Both in our 20s. I have social anxiety and have struggled with depression in the past, come from a family where showing our emotions is 'wrong' so have always had trouble acting normal. DP is an amazing person and never done anything to make me doubt him.

But whenever he wants to go out or do things without me it makes me so anxious - I'm talking like nights out with friends etc. I'd never act on it or tell him not to go because I really don't want to abuse him like that - he'd never stop me from going somewhere if I wanted to. I currently don't work (maternity leave) and he's told me he's going on 3 work trips, plus a 'night out' and staying over at his friend's in the city over the next two months. He always texts me to let me know he's fine and he's not the type to get really drunk, plus he absolutely dotes on me and is wonderful. He doesn't even go out a lot, every few months, if that. But when he does I get so down, I lay in bed crying and panicking he's going to get hurt, lost, attacked, go home with someone else. My anxious brain goes into paranoid overdrive and I HATE it. I feel so clingy and awful.
I would never say any of this to him because he's doing absolutely nothing wrong, I know this is all on me, but how can I stop being like this? I know a lot of it probably relates back to my anxiety but I just can't control it and it makes me feel like a crazy girlfriend. I don't want to be.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/06/2017 23:21

What treatment are you having for the anxiety and depression?

inspiredbutohsotired · 06/06/2017 23:24

Wolfie none. I had CBT for the anxiety about 2 years ago and since that I find it doesn't affect me on a regular basis anymore, only in certain situations my mind finds stressful (such as the above), and similarly I haven't struggled with my depression much at all since meeting DP. He's done wonders for my confidence and that has helped a lot, I think, but just sometimes when I'm alone I do fall into this dark trap for a few hours where everything feels hopeless. This happens maybe once a month for between 1 and 4 hours at a time. Maybe it would be worth speaking to a doctor about but I did think I had it under control mostly x

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/06/2017 23:26

I think it would. Especially if you're expecting a child. That can be an anxious and stressful (as well as amazing) time!

Ohyesiam · 06/06/2017 23:35

I really feel for you op, that sound so horribleFlowers. And also horribly familiar. Find a therapist who you can do inner child work with, it had a massively positive impact on my life when I did , and really changed all that horrible clingy stuff that I hated doing.
Give it a try op , it works. I never feel like that now, and never criticise myself, or give myself a hard time, which was my default position for the first half of my life.

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