Is he right

[user1466108618]

Tonight dp came home from work and i was making the dinner so he starts groping me and i told him to stop and he says "im just having fun" anyway he then asked for a kiss and i said no i was going to eat my dinner so for the whole night he went in a huff and hasnt spoken to me but he managed to phone his dad for a chat. Was he right to act this way towards me?

Look hes in a horrible loveless marriage just as you are - you're both completely accustomed to getting crumbs. Be brave and end it. He won't get the kids and he won't kill himself. With any luck you'll both .meet someone new that you love to bits and who reciprocates - but you have to make the break if he wont. He probably feels like nobody else would want him because you so clearly dont so he's scared to. But his confidence will come back and so will,yours,you just have to let each other go.

Sounds like an awful relationship you have. I would definitely want to end it if he was threatening to commit suicide to manipulate with you.

Having said that, affection is very normal and frequent in relationships. My husband will often come over, say 'hmmm boobies' and squeeze my breasts. I like to squeeze or gently spank his bottom. Neither of us ever minds. Cuddles and kisses are always on tap. But obviously sex is sex and only happens when both of us are in the mood.

My preference would be to get out the relationship but hes having none off that tells me i want to be like my mum

He doesn't get to choose whether you stay in the relationship or not. You leaving is your choice.

And good for your mum for not sticking around with an unsuitable partner, herself, whatever her reasons for being a single mum.

Dont think either of us get anything from the relationship but he doesnt want to split and if i say i do i get the whole hes taking the kids or will kill himself.

and there is your answer.... emotional blackmail to keep you locked in the relationship. It's freakily insecure to make that threat. you need to get away from this person, it'll only get worse.

I do have a little set aside that he doesnt know about. Its just hard to make the break especially since we bought our first house together at the start of the year, which im thinking was a mistake. Its just getting him to understand we would be better off apart.

"but he doesnt want to split and if I say I do I get the whole he's taking the kids or will kill himself"

Tell him to jog on; you've made your decision. Abusive men often say that to their woman whom they merely regard as a possession as a last gasp attempt to keep control.

Of course he does not want to split; he gets what he wants out of this relationship which is you to paw over and otherwise abuse as he sees fit. You mean nothing to him. He would also then have to find some other sap to boss about and that takes effort.

The only extra effort you have to make her is to extricate yourself as fast as possible away from him. He will continue to further abuse you and in turn your children otherwise.

You do not have to get him to understand; he won't anyway and will likely turn even nastier as punishment for you having the gall as he sees it to leave him.

Seek legal advice re the property and make plans to leave him asap. A loveless relationship should not become your children's norm either and its no legacy to leave them.

Please talk to someone neutral about this. He is abusive and there aren't excuses for that. I've no idea why people are telling you to put up with being sexually assaulted (carrying on when you say no, and instigating when you are asleep) and emotional abuse (telling you he will take the children or kill himself).

LTB.

You were cooking dinner(perhaps he lost the fact it was for him too)...You were sleeping
He is showing contempt for what you do. His penis needs are more important than your needs. Waking you...how often does he disturb your sleep? That is abuse, it is actually a form of torture.

The threats are emotional extortion.

On the threat of suicide, I would not believe it. It is clearly a manipulation to control you, rather than a disclosure of his mental state asking for help.

Also, as well said above, that would be his choice and action which really has nothing to with you.

Even so, if it would make you feel better, next time he mentions suicide to you, you are well within your rights to call emergency services so they can deal with him. 48/72 hour assessment period might cure him of that "strategy" right quick.

It is not unkind to not want to kiss a sex pest. In fact i cant think of a worse turn off than unwanted groping. No OP he most definitely was not right. Cant believe there are people saying the poor man might be feeling rejected. Perhaps if he showed any respect for the OP's wishes she might feel affectionate towards him. The waking at night to instigate sex is just horrible.

His behaviour is abusive - you know that don't you?

Usually when we have sex its him wakening me up during the night.

Yes i probably know deep down its abuse but dont want to admit it. A family member did say hes playing mind games also.

Thank you all for replies must say im not as strong a person as i used to be.

Not ok for him to grope you or start sex when you arent up for it.

Not ok for either of you to be in a relationship where you dont what intimacy/affection from him and he goes in childish huffs when rejected.