I am afraid that future husband cant hold a job

[soconfused40]

Hello all. I am with DP for two years and we are planning to get married next year. Recently i started thinking that he can not hold a job for more than few months and it must be his fault. I know it sounds terrible but he has been through so many since i met him and he will always leave or get fired and always blaming it on them. I was very supportive up to few months ago because i believed every reason he gave me. The one job wasnt giving him opportunities, the job was very hard , the manager didnt like him and was jealous of him, supervisor felt threatened by him being so good at his job etc. It sounds ridiculous now but i believed every excuse and always supported him. When he got his latest job he would come home telling me all those stories how good he is and how everyone will go to him for help and i thought that this is finally where he will settle. But now three months in the job he started telling me how the supervisor tries to get him fired because he is feeling threatened by him .Apparently my DP is so good at this job that everyone goes to him for help ignoring the supervisor. I feel terrible saying this but is all seemed too silly to be true. When i tried to tell him that to me it doesnt seem that the supervisor does anything else than his job (he told me some stories) he got angry with me telling me that i can not support him and that i will always support those who are bad to him. What is the best way to approach the situation? I honestly think that there is something wrong on my DP side because it can not be always someone elses fault

My father is exactly like this. My mother was a sole breadwinner for years and he was sometimes between jobs for years. They are in their late fifties and now divorced, mum still working and investing her money wisely, father living with his very elderly mother penniless.

Run for the hills, dear girl.

Sometimes I think people post here to confirm what they already know but need the confidence to follow that through.

I believe you are in this situation OP.

You already know he's a "blamer" - it's never his fault.

It never will be either. Ever.

So a choice. Are you happy being the breadwinner? Not just now, but forever.

Truth is, many men make exactly this choice - with implicit conditions about their spouse being a "home maker" etc.

As a women it is different though. If you have children do you relish going back to work 6 weeks after giving birth because you can't afford to survive on maternity pay?

Do you think he would be a good SAH father? Does he pull his weight domestically now?

I'm guessing your head is shaking no, no, no to my questions. If so FFS cut him loose and find someone else.

Do not marry this man. A man without a job is not a man. A man with a large fortune, however, must be in want of a wife.

Your beauty is you and your fertility for a man child who wants to spread his seed.

These men are horrible abusers. They look at us like objects and incubators.

Get rid. You'll be an older woman one day nursing him through his dotage.

Don't do it.

My next door neighbour has adopted a crack addict. I adopted a non working blame everyone else man. WTF?

Op, it isn't just the employment problem. It will be like that with you as well. You will never be able to have an honest, normal conversation with him. You will have to very careful what you say to him, to not upset him, to not make him feel blamed for anything. You will always have to accept his skewed world view where he is perfect and blameless and everything is your fault because you haven't supported or appreciated him.

You know this. He must already be like this. Do you really want that to be your life? No equality, no give and take, no real friendship of equals? Do you want to be in that appeasing box for your whole life?

Break free now, before it becomes even more difficult to do so.

You could be my ex H new partner. He is still doing this with work and he is in his late 40's now, and a hypochondriac. His new partner has a great job and is supporting him financially while he pays no maintenance for his children this month (again) luckily this is the only involvement I have with him now. We lost our house and our business because of his laziness

Another one screaming bullshitter. Who comes home telling you they're so great at their job or everyone comes to them after only a couple of months? He isn't even a good liar.

Listen to your gut: he is the problem.

No one ever gets sacked for being too good at their job

Don't marry him either.

Thank you all for the replies. As someone mentioned in the comments , i guess i have already realized that he is talking bs but i need sort of confirmation. He knows how to talk the talk , he is even bragging about it. He gets the jobs and he is capable of doing them (at least i think so) but whatever happens there he ends up fired or leaving them. It will always be someone elses fault, they will always be jealous or scared of him taking their jobs. On the latest one the manager tries to make him look bad and tries to make him get fired because he is afraid they will fire him and make my DP manager instead. It almost defies logic firing the manager who is there for years and giving his job to the new guy but if i try to tell him nicely he turns against me because apparently i am incapable of supporting him or believe in him. And this confuses me and makes me feel bad I wish i could figure what the issue is, i think its more than him being lazy. He does work but keeps changing jobs and its always ridiculous excuses.

He might talk the talk but in the actual job he can't do it; he can't even admit when he is wrong, he's also quite happy for you to shoulder all the financial responsibility involved when he loses yet another job.

You would be mad to marry him OP; he's not really got much going.

Don't marry him. Eventually he'll have made his way through so many jobs hiring managers will see him as unemployable, and you'll then be financially supporting him. Is that what you want?

My guess OP is that he's a "type" I've sadly seen at work quite a few times.

Full of bluster and arrogance. Thinks they know everything and won't listen to instruction. Freely gives "advice" to people far more accomplished on how they should do a job. Rubs everyone up the wrong way and makes continual mistakes as they are unwilling to listen and learn.

The sort of person that causes an unhealthy team dynamic, because whatever the problem, mistake or situation it's always the fault of someone else on the team - no matter what evidence to the contrary.

He'll be the stay at home dad in this scenario if you have kids op, he probably hates working and is entitled.

You have a unique window in to your future, take a good look

As you've already identified OP, it's not just losing jobs which is the issue, but the fact that he has to blame someone else for what seems likely to be his fault.

So if things get tricky in your marriage, do you think he'll be shouldering responsibility or looking to blame someone else (ie you)?

Have you ever challenged him on his arrogance? Challenge him on it? ask him if there is an option to be promoted to supervisor? or suggest that upsetting the apple cart in a new job isn't good way to get promotion?

I wouldn't say not to marry but I would be putting off any marriage talks for now, if he pushes then say that you need stability, imagine him not working when you are on Maternity leave? you will feel pressured to return to work etc. Are you living together? who covers the bills?

Can you set him a challenge? stay in the job for a year? maybe set up a joint account for wedding fund as an incentive? Contribute monthly, if he stops contributing then so do you.

My partners 21 year old son is like this had more jobs in 3 years than I have had in 30 by a long way ..EVERYTHING that goes wrong in his life that he creates is someone else's fault . We don't live together and probably never will because of his chosen 'in denial ' lifestyle , don't marry him OP opt out and find a hard working man who respects and loves you .

...and to add he is also a compulsive liar and comes up with wild statements about how good he is .