It has taken a long time to get here, but enough is enough

[OnwardsNewLifeAhead]

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a solicitor.

H and I have been married for 15 years, and have 3 dc. All have additional needs - eldest severely, needing full time 1:1.

The marriage has long been over, but I wasn't ready/able to do a lot about it due to circumstances - H works stupid long hours and has never been willing to cut them to help me out. I am a SAHM, by choice initially (although the plan was for me to go back to work, the dc's disabilities don't allow for that - all 3 are at different schools, eldest in the next county and transport is not an option) but now because of circumstance. My life is changed irrevocably, and is ruled by appointments, Statements, forms, school appointments and sourcing extra support/researching theories and managing behaviours, and his has carried on untouched.

He is financially controlling, always has been under the guise of (apparently) me not being very good with money. There is no reason to suspect this, I am actually incredibly careful with money, and certainly no spendthrift. I am probably better than him at managing money, leaving us in a position where he physically has all the money, and spend whatever he likes whenever, while I shop for things in the sales only (so as not to spend too much, as easier to 'justify' a smaller amount) and juggle to make ends meet - a ridiculous situation given the amount he earns.

I have been psyching myself up for this for a very long time, and tomorrow, I start the process.

I am both relieved and apprehensive. I cannot continue any longer like this, but worry about the shitstorm ahead, because there will be one. H is emotionally manipulative, and is already involving the dc, making them the middle of disagreements between us. I want to be able to make that better, and I can't. But I can change this, and I am going to.

So, what should I take with me tomorrow? It's an initial meeting, to talk through options and see whati may be entitled to.
The house is in joint names, and has reasonable equity. He has a decent pension built up, and another property in his name only (also has reasonable equity).

He will not accept this easily, and once I start all this, I doubt he will move out, meaning life will be very uncomfortable for quite a while. But I can do this, and I can get the dc though it. Because it will be better, eventually, won't it?

It is tempting, Sprinklestar. Years ago I hit crisis point and told him I wanted to separate. His first words were 'just don't stop me seeing the children' (when he's never had any reason to think I would do so , I've always firmly supported him seeing my stepchildren, and bent over backwards to include them and make them feel welcome). I countered with a 50/50 suggestion, and without blinking he came back with 'you know I just can't do that'. Says it all.

Glad your appointment went well Op. I have made the same decision today. Enough is enough. Together 15yrs, two children (babies).

I haven't made an appointment but I will. I don't have any money, and he doesn't earn that much, so it's going to be tough, but as you said, it will be better.