Is one enough?

[Trixxy66]

I have 1 son. My dh was an only child and doesn't want any more kids. I was desperate to have another even though I had an awful 4 day labour and 'horrible birth' (midwifes words) which I think may have traumatised dh. Also I had health issues after the birth which is another story bit basically involved me being on crutches, nerve damage to my leg and with chronic pain issues for several months after. A couple of years ago I broached the subject of another baby and he agreed if I got fitter, lost weight asked avoit a c aection next time and after I'd recovered from another operation. So after when I was recovered I said perhaps we shold start trying. He basically threw it back in my face and said he only said that to make me feel better about the operation and stuff but he never wanted a second and if I wanted another baby I should fuck off and have one with some one else.....he does suffer with anxiety issues but I thought this was a bit cruel. Basically we have been at stale mate for the last 2-3 years. No sex or intimacy, we get on ok. He has never said sorry and we just carry on as 'normal' for sake of son, to everyone else we prob come across as happy family. Son is almost 7 I'm almost 43 now so feel my clock has pretty much run out. My sister is just is about to have her 3rd and it's stirring up all these feelings and urges that I've been holding back. I'm heart broken....don't know what to do anymore....I'm starting to hate my husband especially as he seems pretty oblivious to my feelings. I mentioned when she annoinved the 3Rd that it's difficult being around sister when I wanted a baby still. All he said was 'what- are you still going on about that' he also said that another child would mentally fuck him up and I would end up a single mum. He is not the most patient of men even though he is a good dad... advice please :(

What does this man add to your life? He doesn't care about your feelings and tells you to fuck off. That is not love.
It's a MN Relationships cliche that so many women post here about their DH's cruel behaviour - that's Dick Head - when the only positive aspect they can think of is 'he's a good dad'.
No person who treats their partner so unkindly is a good parent. Please don't make excuses for him. He doesn't have anxiety issues, he has abusive selfish prick issues. Please consider your future with him very carefully. You could break free to find someone who respects and cares about you and your DC With or without a new partner you could explore the possibility of adoption. My personal opinion is children generally benefit from a sibling to learn turn-taking, sharing and perspective in which they are not the centre of the universe - for the exact reason they do not turn out like your H.

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He sounds like a complete bastard. Chuck him, find someone new and have another baby. My mum always wanted three kids... My dad said no more (they had two) and over 30 years later she still hates him for it.

It's not about another child or not - it's about the fact you are choosing to stay with a man who is treating you like shit.

You're unlikely to have another child naturally now.

You maybe a wonderful stepchild or two in the next 5 years though, if you ditch this nasty man now.

What he said wasn't a bit cruel, it was fucking awful. You'd find it easier being a single parent than you would having to suppress yourself for this twat.

FWIW I think sometimes the 1 child thing is a manipulation. I wanted a big family, ex agreed, we had one and he changed his mind. No discussion or consideration of my feelings. I now feel he trapped me enough by having one child and that was all he wanted.

Once I told him to go and have a vasectomy if he felt that strongly about it but apparently he didn't want to go that 'in case he met someone else and wanted to have a baby with them.'

I'm well rid of him now.

I wouldn't stay with him. He sounds awful.

That said, I do think you are going to have to put this idea to bed, about another baby. You aren't going to have one with him, clearly, and if you left him and met someone else, realistically, by the time that new relationship has reached the "ready for a baby" stage, you will be over 45.

You could adopt of course. And you could do that as a single person. I think in your shoes, that would be the avenue that I would be exploring.

Why would you want to bring another child into this environment. It's unauthentic at the very least. Abusive.

Good dad??? He's a monster.