New relationship & depression!!!!

[user1496682959]

Hello all this is the first time i have ever posted so be kind. I would just like some advice from other adults as my Kids are young adults and see dating and relationships very differently to me.

I am very used to online dating as ive been dling it on and off over the last ten years. I have had a few long term relationships withon that time, but unfortunately have not found my soul mate... so to speak!!

As you can imagine i have been on lots of dates and im used to some of the speel delivered by men....however i recently met a man and it was instant attraction, he wasnt a man with stunning looks but had a vreat personality which i do find more attractive than looks its self.
We had several amazing dates and he appeared very smitten with me... so much so that i never felt at all unsure about things...and was very positive too. He discussed about how he wanted to marry again and he was even looking at houses for us.

Then all of a sudden he began his antidepressant medication as he was having major issues at work ( he has a very high powered job) and all of a sudden he began to pull away... less texting and calling, still every day though. He also said he required a bit of "me " time, which i acknowledged and left him to it. He snapped out of it and contacted me and we had a lovely time.

Since then he has further withdrawn he stated it was because he felt comfortable, but i am not so sure!! I get one or two texts a day and i havent seen him in over a week and hes made no effort to arrange to see me.

Normally i would run a mile but i keep thinking what if its his tablets? He is on Mirtazipine which i know are very strong !! He is very open about his previous deppressive episodes but swears he is not deppressed now, and that hes taking his meds as a precautionary measure only !!!

What do i do ??? Xxx

I'm afraid it means that he does see this as a primary or an exclusive relationship.

Are you sure he's not married and online dating is his mid-life crisis? A few dates, an ego boost, but something he backs away from after a dabble because he values his marriage more.

Or just a philanderer. The most successful ones are very, very charming.

PS: anyone who starts talking to you about choosing houses together when you've only met recently is definitely up to no good. It's way too soon.

No definitely not married ... has been before.. but out of long term relationship last year.

I am always very wary of men who provlaim how they feel about you straight away.. but it all seemed very natural, until he started taking his medication. It was like someone had flicked a switch !!

It sounds like he pushed the boat out in the early days just enough to hook you in. What you are seeing is his "normal" behaviour ( with/without medication, who knows?) What needs of yours are being met here OP?
Sorry if I sound harsh but I have been where you are and I know how you want to believe what they tell you/they appear to be. This is as good as it gets, honestly, if I were you i'd walk away now.

Walk away! Walk away! I just broke up with someone like this, although he didn't admit that he was on anti-depressants. The change was exactly as you describe though - full on for a couple of months - so attentive, so thoughtful, and then one day it changed - fewer texts, fewer calls, didn't want to see me. Kept contact up just enough to keep me hooked.

I always said to myself that it would be one thing if he'd changed after a couple of years but you're far too new into this relationship to have to deal with this. You are worth more. You deserve more. You don't deserve this stress and not feeling right about it.

As a previous poster says - this is the real him. This is as good as it gets and it won't get better. He pretended to be something to hook you in and now he thinks he's safe he's reverted to his normal person. Move on before you get too caught up with it. I wish I had.

Oh and my guy is already in a relationship with someone else... obviously wasn't that depressed!

I know your all right...and deep down i know what i should be doing....i just dont feel strong enough ... i am a woman who has loads of experience with dating but he has really messed with my head.. i feel so hurt and stupid x

Oh and im sorry to hear about your ex movingon2017, he will most likely do the same to the next woman he meets ... internet dating makes you very vulnerable, but im in a female dominated profession so no other way of meeting men !!!

My DP (we are both late 40's) was put on Mirtazapine a year ago after his stressful job led to him developing anxiety and insomnia. I noticed the change in him overnight. We had only been together a year and as soon as he started the pills his libido dropped, he stopped being as affectionate and enthusiastic to spend time with me and while before we used to enjoy regular sexting, this stopped also. We talked about it and he admitted the pills made him feel numb and a bit emotionless. We are still together (we don't live together) and he's my best friend but it feels like the love has died and his lack of affection to me has affected by confidence. It also feels like there is no emotional connection when we do have sex. I also don't know what to do as I know that this is him now. I miss the old him. Sorry I'm not much help but I know how you feel. x

Oh jackeve i can really sympathise with you, this is exactly what happened to me and my partner, but you have the advantage of knowing him for a year, we have been together for weeks and its like dating a different man, certainly not the one i met which is really sad. Everything you say was us too, it has only been 6 weeks but has really upset and hurt me, plus as he had pulled back i have done the same and havent heard a peep from him in over 24 hours, and i suspect that will be the last i hear of him. I also think you need to think of your own mental health as i know im beginning to feel quite low with it all.
Good luck hunni i hope it works out for you xxx