How would you feel about this?

[pudding21]

I left my EA 21 year relationship a few months ago, 21 years together, two kids 9 and nearly 6. I left our beautiful family home that we built together overseas and moved into rented accommodation. We have been sharing the kids care roughly 60/40. I work full time, he doesn't and hasn't done for the last 5 years (was a self styled SAHD but actually never tried to find work etc). I continue to pay him 700 euros a month for the bills etc as well as paying for everything else to do with the kids etc.

When I left he had £90,000 in inheritance from his fathers estate and bought a new car. He keeps telling me he is skint. Anyway, he has been hell since I left, continuing emotional abuse at times (I have managed it well, and not been letting it get to me as much now I am in my own space), its been a rollercoaster but i was determined to keep it civil for the kids. The last few weeks he has eased right off, has been nice and told me that he accepted everything.

At the weekend we went for lunch with the kids (my suggestion) as I wanted to broach since he was in such a good place about getting the house valued as I cannot afford to continue to pay for two houses. He told me he had something to tell me, that he had struck up an old relationship with a girl he hasn't seen in 25 years on Facebook ( I suspected this was the case, because of him being nice). Anyway he asked me if I was ok that she was coming to stay in the house with him for a week with her 7 year old son (she has also just divorced from his dad). And what did I think he should do about the kids.

I told him its up to him to do what he likes in terms of the girl, but the boys will not stay with him or know anything about the fact that he is striking up a relationship with someone and she is coming to stay for a whole week. I got the usual response about me being whiter than white etc and he didn't seem to see a massive issue with the fact she will be staying in my house, swimming in my pool, eating off my cutlery, that I pay everything for.

Should i refuse and suggest she hires an apartment or should I just go along with in the hope that she becomes her problem and he gets off my back?

I am not upset about him moving on at all as its what I want, but he has been guilt tripping me since I left and now hes cool as he has the prospect of a shag. i guess its another realisation that its a continuation of emotional abuse and I let the fucker get in my head again.

What would you do?

yep, we always think when they appear to be davastated that they genuinely are my ex H was like this Pudding and within 10 weeks of me leaving his fridge was stocked with wine and champagne and he was happy as a sandboy . Was quite a shock but certainly made me "cynical" about devastation. This was 26 years ago and they are still married. I think it is far too soon to be introduces to your boys and would tell him so. Give it another 4 months or so and that may be fine. Last thing they need is a succession of new "friends"

I would get on with the divorce and sorting things out financially while he's behaving alright.

I would let it go emotionally about your cutlery pool etc, it's effectively his to do with as he likes while he lives there.

There's not a lot you can do regarding him introducing this woman if he's determined to, so I would try to ensure you have them that week. He could agree to her getting an apartment and just have her at his place anyway, you can't control it. So I would avoid setting up a situation where he can get off on ignoring your wishes.

Thanks, I am not really bothered about her using my cutlery ;) Its the fact I pay for everything, he won't chip into his inheritance and I think its a cheek.

But you are right, I will be nice, until we sell the house (we are not married so don't have to go through a divorce as such). Its a good thing in a way because he isn't giving me as much shit. I just hope he thinks about the kids.

You need to lead and get the house valued and sold. Of course he is going to be nice whilst you are funding his playboy lifestyle. Once she moves in with her child it could be really difficult to get her out whilst the house is jointly owned. You will in effect be making her homeless. He isn't going to help as he will be in love and lusting.

I hope she isn't going to move in, she lives in the UK, we are in Europe, so for now she is just coming for a week!

Stop paying and make him dip into the inheritance!