In a quiet crisis

[Devica]

Long time lurker going a bit crazy. The background:
-Being together since early 90s
-married in 94 when living in the Far East

• He is Indian , but brought up in U.K.

-Lived in the Far East then moved to Australia (back where I'm from) Fast forward 2 kids now aged 20 & 17 So now its shitty basically We argue or are in silence We don't have sex We don't have fun He's an architect(here it all is) our house is crap and he won't get the renovation going. We have money in the bank to do the work, but no sugn of him getting project going -No ,I don't know why. If I ask I'm told ' I don't know' or he gets angry or goes silent

• he's unhappy and drinks too much
• im unhappy and don't drink to counteract his drinking

-if I try to talk about any of this he gets upset and won't talk -yes, I've spoken to a therapist- years ago. -In a full time student and work Part-time. Quit my job to go back to schoo and though he was agreeable at time I know he resents me doing this.

• Feel between a rock and a hard place.My daughter in last year of school and has major exams in October. I don't want to rock boat, but how ( and why) should I keep going like this? Just want to run away.....

Hi op

Are you sure the money is still in the bank for those renovations?

I would probably get my ducks in a row to see what I could afford, then once dd exams done make a move.

Money still there- I've checked. I didn't mention above that there are mental health issues(undiagnosed but suspected) on his side. Hus dad suicided when he was 19 and family stuffed ever since. No one talks about that incident. In a way it has nothing and everything to do with where we are now. I'm not blameless, not by a long chalk- I know. Just feel shitty and so, so sad.

Sounds really grim.

I hate to say this but he does sound depressed. If his family stuff such a terrible incident then it follows he's not going to talk about, or acknowledge, he's depressed. His dad's death is a HUGE thing to stuff - no wonder he's depressed. He's also probably terrified he's going to go the same way...

That's all well and good but you're suffering awfully in the wake of it. Perhaps get yourself some counselling support so you can set some boundaries (for all your sakes). It sounds like you're living in hell - which isn't good for the kids, either xx

I agree with guilty get everything lined up as it looks like this relationship has run it's course.

How long until your study is complete? Do you have family/friends/support?

October will come a lot more quickly than you think if you have made a quiet decision and are working towards it.