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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship break down.

7 replies

kirahx1995 · 04/06/2017 23:28

Hello I'm 21 and have an amazing 18 month old son. And am currently in a relationship with my sons dad. We have been together for 4 years now. Me and my partner have a fairly good relationship. But we have had our problems. But recentley we have had a huge bust up. Just to pre warn this is a very personal and intimate subject to me. Basically me and my partner went to bed one night we started getting intimate. Things were going as they usually do until my partner started to get quite rough. Whilst I was on top of him he started to place his fingers near my front area trying to place his fingers inside me while we were still having sex. I told him don't do that it hurts, and he stopped for a minute he then continued again and I once again told him to stop and he did again for a second ( the reason I said no was because when I had my son I had stitches and since then that area has always been a bit sore when messed with) he then continued and got rougher and the he forced his fingers inside of me when I told him to completely stop with sex all together he did not respond to me he just carried on i shouted STOP its hurting and he continued so I then just grabbed his wrist and dug my finger nails into him so hard to remove him from me even then he resisted. I dug my fingers in so hard I made his wrist bleed. Once I managed to move his arm from around and inside me I just jumped of him to the other side of the bed and burst into tears saying what the hell is wrong with you. He honestly did look very scared he said I'm sorry. I was shaking I was an absolute wreck. I told him to get out of the room and sleep downstairs. He tried to comfort me but in that moment I hated him so much I told him to get out.
The next day we spoke things over I expected him to be so sorry for what he did but his reply was I'm sorry I got carried away. I was shocked I thought that is no excuse. In a instant that night the trust we had was gone. 6 weeks has passed since this happened and we have been trying to work through this. We have not yet been physical since it happened. I mentioned today that I thought we should see a couples counselor. He was not happy in the end he turned around and said how am I meant to explain what I did. How is that going to look and he just started to cry. I love this man so much he is the father to my child. I just don't no what to do. This has broken me inside. I haven't told any of my friends or family because I don't won't people to judge. I need advice from someone who isn't directly involved. Please if anyone has any advice or has been through anything similar I would really appreciate some advise. Am I being to harsh on him ? I'm just so confused and lost in everything at the moment.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 04/06/2017 23:49

Had this happened before? Can't read and run

Brogad0ccio · 04/06/2017 23:54

You're not being harsh on him imo.

He could see you were in distress, he could see it hurt you, you told him it hurt you, he knows why ......... and he carried on regardless. And he's not sorry. He got carried away? Is that an excuse for hurting you.
I don't know what to advise but I don't think you're being harsh. You're entitled to feel differently. If you feel differently about him or sex with him, that's your prerogative and it doesn't necessarily need to be worked through. You can just end it.

josuk · 05/06/2017 00:25

So sorry.
And of course, you are. or being harsh on him. He hurt you.
I don't think he planned to hurt you, but it hardly matters.
And he knows it - and him crying means he is sorry about it - just can't admit it.

i don't think there is any way to get through this w/o counselling.
People make mistakes - and his was a mistake - and you can learn how to forgive.
And he - maybe he'll learn what made him snap in his head and get carried away - was it some sort of fantasy, or a scenario that he saw somewhere? Without getting to the bottom of of - he won't know how to control it at some later stage.
Sorry again!!!!

josuk · 05/06/2017 00:26

obv - that was saying
'of course you are NOT being harsh'...

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2017 12:10

I would be extremely concerned if I were you. You told him to stop several times and he still continued to hurt you. You had to claw at him and jump away before he finally stopped, ffs. What on earth is wrong with him?? What he did was inexcusable.

Adora10 · 05/06/2017 16:11

He raped you OP, he carried on doing something sexual against your will; if I was you I'd report him to the Police and get away from him as soon as humanely possible, your child also; he sounds unhinged and extremely dangerous.

JK1773 · 05/06/2017 17:15

This is just awful OP. He has violently sexually assaulted you, hurting you. You were telling him to stop. I can't add too much as I find your post so upsetting but please get some RL support. I'm sorry I don't think I could ever stay with a man who had done this. He's a monster Flowers

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