Hello I'm 21 and have an amazing 18 month old son. And am currently in a relationship with my sons dad. We have been together for 4 years now. Me and my partner have a fairly good relationship. But we have had our problems. But recentley we have had a huge bust up. Just to pre warn this is a very personal and intimate subject to me. Basically me and my partner went to bed one night we started getting intimate. Things were going as they usually do until my partner started to get quite rough. Whilst I was on top of him he started to place his fingers near my front area trying to place his fingers inside me while we were still having sex. I told him don't do that it hurts, and he stopped for a minute he then continued again and I once again told him to stop and he did again for a second ( the reason I said no was because when I had my son I had stitches and since then that area has always been a bit sore when messed with) he then continued and got rougher and the he forced his fingers inside of me when I told him to completely stop with sex all together he did not respond to me he just carried on i shouted STOP its hurting and he continued so I then just grabbed his wrist and dug my finger nails into him so hard to remove him from me even then he resisted. I dug my fingers in so hard I made his wrist bleed. Once I managed to move his arm from around and inside me I just jumped of him to the other side of the bed and burst into tears saying what the hell is wrong with you. He honestly did look very scared he said I'm sorry. I was shaking I was an absolute wreck. I told him to get out of the room and sleep downstairs. He tried to comfort me but in that moment I hated him so much I told him to get out.
The next day we spoke things over I expected him to be so sorry for what he did but his reply was I'm sorry I got carried away. I was shocked I thought that is no excuse. In a instant that night the trust we had was gone. 6 weeks has passed since this happened and we have been trying to work through this. We have not yet been physical since it happened. I mentioned today that I thought we should see a couples counselor. He was not happy in the end he turned around and said how am I meant to explain what I did. How is that going to look and he just started to cry. I love this man so much he is the father to my child. I just don't no what to do. This has broken me inside. I haven't told any of my friends or family because I don't won't people to judge. I need advice from someone who isn't directly involved. Please if anyone has any advice or has been through anything similar I would really appreciate some advise. Am I being to harsh on him ? I'm just so confused and lost in everything at the moment.