Don't know what to do

[ibegyourpardon1980]

Please don't flame me for all the obvious errors I have made according to mumsnet I the last year or so.
I split with my h a year ago (his choice and I was devastated). About three months later an old school friend got back in touch and after texting constantly for three months we started dating. We had every intention of taking things very slowly but after six months together, we've met each other's kids, have joint family days out and have met most of each other's friends and family.
All this is lovely, but the problem I have is he can make me feel very unimportant. If we are out with a group of people he tends to leave me out. Also I have three young children (who I don't expect him to parent at all) but when we are all together and I am running around after them it would be nice if he could look after me a bit but he doesn't unless I ask him to do something then it seems like he's only doing it begrudgingly.
He says he is in love with me, can see us having a long future together etc but even though I do love him I worry that he wont make me happy by making me feel like this in the future. So what I'm asking is, am
I expecting too much? Should I end it now or should I try talking to him about it?

Talk to him, does he have children? He may simply not realise what's required, my DH needs to be told at times and he's been around since day 1!

Just talk to him, I think you've done everything right so far and now maybe you just need to do a bit of man training. What automatic thing could he be I change of that would help? For instance could he be in charge of child X at lunch or child Y crossing the road?

Don't throw a good thing away until you've tried to mend it.

Thank you, he has two older children himself. I guess I don't want to feel a burden on him. When I'm on my own I manage but when we are together I feel like I'm
Expected to split myself equally into half girlfriend, half mum. So I'm responsible for the mum parts and then the other half of me is responsible for half of anything to do with the relationship. I feel like he doesn't make allowances for the fact that I've probably been run ragged by my three but then again why should he? They are not his responsibility. I don't know if it would just be easier to focus on myself and my kids so that I'm not let down by anyone else. But then we have such a great time together when it's just us two

If you can't talk to him about how you feel, I would say you don't have much of a relationship to begin with.

Hi my darling,

Your concerns are completely normal and I would feel the same too.

However, his children are older and it doesn't take long to forget the requirements of looking after smaller children. Believe me I know!!

So I would cut him some slack and one evening (when it's just the two of you) gently talk him through what would be helpful to you. Don't go into the emotional side. Men just don't seem to be able to manage the emotions and you might get tearful etc.

I hope that helps. If not, bin him and concentrate on your lovely family instead

Thank you Goldie! Sounds like a good plan 😊

Would it be better for you to just keep him as someone to date then if you enjoy going out with him when it's just you two?

I tend to do that. I date men but don't introduce them to my DC, I keep it all separate......

Hi OP

Hows it going with the boyfriend? Did you manage to get a word in regarding your expectations on your days out?

Do hope it went well?

I have been thinking of you