We have been together for 3 years. Hes 24 and I'm 22.
The first year we got together, he was working as a chef. He was working from 10 in the morning til 10 at night. I have a job in an office so was working 9 til 5, when I left in the morning, he was asleep and when he came back at night I was asleep.
It got to the point where I realised it wasn't going to work. I told him and said the issue was we didn't get to spend enough time together, so he said he's get a different job.
He found a job at a supermarket on the night shift. This was slightly better as he started at 11pm and finished at 7am so we had a 6 hour gap between when I finished work and he started work. The issue was with this was that he'd get home from work, stay awake until 1 in the afternoon and wouldn't wake up when I got home. again, we had no time together. we got to breaking point again. after much arguing, he managed to get weekends off work so we get to spend some time together.
I did consider the fact that he changed his work twice to keep our relationship going whereas I changed nothing, but I am on a good career path on the road to being a management accountant and Im in a managerial position which is very well paid whereas he has always worked in supermarkets/pubs etc (which there is no issue with but is much easier to find work in.)
in between him starting his job at the supermarket and him changing his hours, he proposed to me. At first, I was skeptical as we'd only been together 12 months but I said yes. I spoke to him about it afterwards and we said we'd wait 2 years before planning the wedding.
When he proposed, we were both living with my parents as his mum had told him they couldn't afford the house they were living in and needed to downscale, so my mum said he could stay with us providing he paid rent. This happened 6 months into our relationship.
After about 12 months of him living with us, we were engaged and I grew tired of living with my parents and wanted to look at getting our own place. I discussed this with Him and he was not keen. I'd show him houses and flats to rent and he'd find fault with all of them. In the end, I ended up booking us a viewing without showing him and told him we were going regardless. We went, and ended up renting the flat which we are still currently living in.
So, we'd been living in our flat for over 6 months, we were happy. I then brought up the topic of the wedding as we'd been engaged for 2 years. In the time we'd been together, I'd put on a lot of weight and he knew I wasn't happy with myself. So we ended the marriage conversation with when I lost 4 stone and felt confident again, we would begin planning. (He would always call me beautiful regardless, this was my issue not his)
6 months passed, and I'd lost 3 stone and was feeling brilliant. I began asking again when we'd be planning the wedding cause I had almost hit my 4 stone target. He then began saying that we can't afford a wedding and they cost a lot of money etc. I told him I wasn't wanting an expensive wedding. I'm not one for over the top things and would be happy with anything as long as I was marrying him.
Over the years, id got myself into a bit of debt (furnishing he house, buying a new car etc) which I am on top of and is not causing me problems but I am spending the majority of my disposable income paying these off, even though I'm paying more than quadruple the minimum payments and am being charged no interest. He was now saying that we're not financially stable and when we're financially stable and have a mortgage we will get married.
I flipped. said I don't want to be engaged to him anymore as he obviously does not want to marry me. He said this wasn't the case, we just need to be financially stable.....
Anyway, I've not been wearing my ring for months now.
He will not talk about the subject rationally, I've told him how embarrassing it's been for me as I've been telling my friends and family one excuse after the next and look like a mug.
I went to a kids birthday party yesterday and saw how adorable all the kids were and am broody as hell.
Mentioned this to him and just got 'no' when pressed, he said he wants to see more of the world first. However, he works in a supermarket so doesn't have a high income, so we cannot afford to go on holidays unless we put it on a credit card, but we cannot get married until we're financially stable, but then can't have kids until we've travelled?
Am I too pushy?
Am I wrong in being completely and utterly fed up?
Our lease is up in September and I've been doing some serious thinking. I love him and he does everything round the house and treats me like a princess but I'm pulling my hair out because I feel like all these future things we have to look forward to are ruined because we've argued relentlessly about them and I don't think I'll ever believe he wants these things with me.