So, don't want to drip feed all my previous posts but to summarise. I took the awful decision to tell DP I didn't love him anymore and wanted us to separate, at the same time his Mum was terminally ill. I had spent months deeply unhappy, crying all the time and his awful behaviour towards me and the children was unbearable. This wasn't just behaviour relating to his Mum. I won't go into all that.
He was angry at my decision and tried to make me feel guilty that I had chosen this time to 'dump him'. We put the house on the market and got an offer very quickly.
Sadly his DM passed away a few weeks later so this was an awful time all round but I did my best to support him.
He then decided to just move out of the house and rent somewhere while the sale goes through. Living together was horrendous so I was pleased about this.
However, he finally moved out yesterday and I've done nothing but cry today. I'm not regretting my decision at all, and don't want him back but I'm struggling with the guilt of it all.
Even though his awful treatment of me and the DC is the root cause of the split, I feel like I have kicked him while he was down.
He is also playing the martyr and saying he can't afford to live on his own and he's had to put his name on the council list (I don't actually believe any of this). Even though he was a sever skinflint when we were together, I still feel shit about the fact he might struggle financially.
My DS1 also told me he felt I shouldn't have chosen that time to break up from his dad because of his Mum being so ill. He even said 'surely if its just you that's unhappy, thats better than everyone else being unhappy'.
Sorry I am totally rambling now. I know deep down, I had to do this for me and the DC but I feel so low today. I know things will get better. I guess I'm also grieving for the relationship as we have been together many years. At this point I'm struggling to see me every being happy.