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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just need to get this out

8 replies

ZoeyPs · 03/06/2017 22:52

I've just come to a realization about how my the emotional abuse by my mother has affected my entire life and people I allow into it. She was popular with anyone she met, within her family she was the magnet, extroverted, sociable and for some reason everyone just wanted to be liked by her. I was the black sheep among my siblings. The abuse was so bad I can remember being 10yo and just praying to die. Sometimes I look back and think how did I survive.

What amazes me is the countless people we had in our lives, and home that just never did or Said anything. I guess people just wanted to be on the inside. But how did anyone notice that something was seriously wrong with one out of four siblings. One child hardly speaking, quiet, extremely withdrawn, always excluded and yet do anything.

The thing that I take away the most or realize is that somehow people knew to treat me differently. I was built up as this difficult, stubborn, useless child and everyone associate with the family just treated me this way. I'm married, almost 40, have a child and yet people just don't have respect for the adult that I am. Anyone that knows my family still treats me as that child.
I've just recently decided with my dh that i cannot have anything more to do with anyone that knows my family. Not in a drama filled way, I just want to quietly distance myself. I'm tired of it all, and I just want peace within myself.

Today I've spent the day with my best friend and her family and friends. And I've watched the interaction between mother and daughter, and sister to sister and the relationships they have. Her mum has so much support and love for her, people who know her now do so as well and she is embraced by anyone she meets. I realized how fundamental and important that relationship is and affects every part of your life.

I'm not making any sense, just feeling so down and wanted to get this out.

OP posts:
Blondielongie · 03/06/2017 23:00

You deserve to be happy and you have your own family now. You don't need to be around those who put you down. Sorry you had this upbringing :( glad you are moving on. Flowers

ZoeyPs · 03/06/2017 23:05

Thanks blondie. Just watching my friend interact with her family made me realize how things should be and how far from that a life I have lived.

This process of low/ little contact with my family is what I need to do and I'm finally ready to do it. Just don't know how to go about it. It's almost everyone I know that knows them and they have such high regards for them that I feel like I can't escape it sometimes.

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 03/06/2017 23:07

Aw bless you op please have a read of this link and let it all out , If you don't believe in God (there is only the smallest mention of him I promise) then just think of one of us saying it to you xxx
It's beautiful and very healing xxx
Please read it
johnpavlovitz.com/2016/02/01/things-someone-who-loved-you-should-have-told-you/

noego · 04/06/2017 09:03

Well done you. Its an eye opener isn't it when you have the realisation that this sort of thing has been going on. However the secret is not to get angry, hateful or resentful that will only damage your MH. Stepping away and observing the behaviour without attaching to it is the key to overcoming it. Sort of like ignoring the playground bully. Maybe some counselling would help you with this.

Bleurghghghgh · 05/06/2017 00:38

Mrs made that poem is lovely.

ZoeyPs · 05/06/2017 13:28

Mrsm that really made me tear up, it's so lovely and some food for thought. Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
ZoeyPs · 05/06/2017 13:30

Noego thank you, counseling right now isn't an option but I'm slowly trying to find ways to deal with this. Distancing myself is one. It's just the guilt and obligation that eats me up. I'm beyond the point of being angry, just hope to find peace.

OP posts:
noego · 05/06/2017 14:07

I hope you find peace too.

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