I've just come to a realization about how my the emotional abuse by my mother has affected my entire life and people I allow into it. She was popular with anyone she met, within her family she was the magnet, extroverted, sociable and for some reason everyone just wanted to be liked by her. I was the black sheep among my siblings. The abuse was so bad I can remember being 10yo and just praying to die. Sometimes I look back and think how did I survive.
What amazes me is the countless people we had in our lives, and home that just never did or Said anything. I guess people just wanted to be on the inside. But how did anyone notice that something was seriously wrong with one out of four siblings. One child hardly speaking, quiet, extremely withdrawn, always excluded and yet do anything.
The thing that I take away the most or realize is that somehow people knew to treat me differently. I was built up as this difficult, stubborn, useless child and everyone associate with the family just treated me this way. I'm married, almost 40, have a child and yet people just don't have respect for the adult that I am. Anyone that knows my family still treats me as that child.
I've just recently decided with my dh that i cannot have anything more to do with anyone that knows my family. Not in a drama filled way, I just want to quietly distance myself. I'm tired of it all, and I just want peace within myself.
Today I've spent the day with my best friend and her family and friends. And I've watched the interaction between mother and daughter, and sister to sister and the relationships they have. Her mum has so much support and love for her, people who know her now do so as well and she is embraced by anyone she meets. I realized how fundamental and important that relationship is and affects every part of your life.
I'm not making any sense, just feeling so down and wanted to get this out.