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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think my daughter has a crush on her teacher...

12 replies

paintaworld · 03/06/2017 22:18

I really hope it's nothing serious but my DD has just turned eighteen and has recently been gushing about her new teacher all week. AIBU in thinking this is her having a crush on him? Of course, she may just admire him but I'm just looking out for her...

OP posts:

onetwodoo · 03/06/2017 22:27

She might. My 16 year old son is completely and utterly in love with his married, pregnant teacher - has been for the past two years.

Her and I have had a few chats about this, mainly because I find it quite endearing but also so that she knows what she's dealing with, so to speak.

I'm not suggesting you speak to the teacher but maybe ensure your daughter knows she can continue speaking to you about it and ask her some questions about this teacher - this will probably help you to decide if he is acting completely appropriately towards her, regardless of her feelings for him.

Maiz7654 · 03/06/2017 22:35

Don't panic this is actually fairly common. I do think you need to mention it to someone in the school, maybe her head of year, who can then approach the teacher about it. Nothing bad will happen but it just means the teacher can be aware of what may be going on and can take measures to ensure the safety of your child and themselves, I.e not being alone with them in a classroom etc.

piglover · 04/06/2017 00:49

I would have been MORTIFIED if my mum had told someone at school that I had a crush on one of the teachers. I'd hope that any teacher at your school would have the ethical sense to ignore any advances from one of their students.

Crumbs1 · 04/06/2017 00:52

She made might have. Crushes are a perfectly healthy way of coming to terms with an emerging sexuality. Why does it matter?

CiliatedEpithelium · 04/06/2017 04:16

It's a non issue OP. Normal.

Imstickingwiththisone · 04/06/2017 04:35

Telling the school that your DC fancies a teacher. Can't think of anything more mortifying

Flamingoprincess1212 · 04/06/2017 05:10

I fancied mate teachers, and totally idolised female teachers, and this was not something I did exclusively. Totally normal, and very common. It's a way to deal with emerging sexuality and looking at people you might want to be, discovering paths for the future etc. Where I went to school particularly, we were affiliated with one of the largest teacher training universities in the country (a Russel group uni, so lots of money, very cool stories about 'gap yahs' paid for by daddy, lots of jack wills and Abercrombie and fitch etc) and the school had a policy, whereby they'd try and keep on the TT students for their NQT year, so they left fully qualified. But as a result of this the average age of our teachers was probably between 23 and 25, this is very a cool and very trendy young adult age and one that many secondary aged pupils are yet to mix with, but one that they can relate to or set goals about themselves in relation to. Our personal and social development is based on seeing people, and either mimicking them because they seem fab, or altering our behaviour because we judge them.
So long as nothing happens with this man I'm sure your DD will be fine.
All the best

BakedBeeeen · 04/06/2017 06:05

Haha I really fancied one of my A level teachers - I even did extra French lessons because of it!

claraschu · 04/06/2017 06:15

This is really common, OP. Please don't embarrass everyone by mentioning it to anyone at school. The teacher will probably already know about it.

BusterGonad · 04/06/2017 06:54

As a wife of a teacher I expect he already knows, but I would suggest you mention it to him so he knows to take extra care and not to do anything that could possibly be interrupted the wrong way. There is no need for your daughter to know you've mentioned it I just think for all involved it would be a good idea for the teacher to know.

AlletrixLeStrange · 04/06/2017 11:27

I had a super massive crush on my Geography teacher. Got an A* in my GCSE so silver linings and all that

corythatwas · 04/06/2017 11:52

This is an 18yo we are talking about. Unless there are relevant SN (which would be the world's greatest drip feed), surely the way to go is to have a conversation with your adult child. If you think there is any risk of anything, that is.

Spell out to her, what she should already know: that regardless of her perfectly natural feelings, any relationship with a teacher is a no-go area because he is in a position of trust. She may feel it's perfectly all right because she is an adult who is clearly entitled to have her own sex life. Remind her that even a suspicion could still wreck his career. And that this would be the same at uni, so it's not about her being a child- it's about the specific job he's got.

Don't make her feel bad about her feelings, though. Anyone is allowed those.

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