Advice please on joint custody

[Lunagirl]

My ex has said he wants joint custody of our children. I don't work as I'm a full time carer and a full time mum. He doesn't work because he is disabled. I want to start with every other weekend and one week day. Would he be entitled to joint custody? My children are young and will obviously struggle with this new aspect of their life and I want it to be as easy a transition as possible.

Why wouldn't equal time with their parents be the best way to have an easy transition? Especially if they're young?

Start not with "would be be entitled?" but with "what would be best short and long term for my children?".

Must as I'd love to have my child every night, she is very happy to see both parents. (we're informal and probably about 60/40 me over a year)

I think you need a good reason for them not to spend equal (or close to it) time with them. Would you want them 3-4 nights in 14?

Are you his carer or someone else's?

Someone else's carer. I want what is best for my children. I honestly feel that joint custody is not what would be best for them.

EOW is usually due to the non resident parent working full time, that isn't the case here. Will he have a house suitable for them to live in half the time? (I.e., not sleeping on a sofa or blow up mattress).

'Joint custody' doesn't actually exist nowadays. Even when it did exist, it didn't mean children had to spend equal time with each parent. Children can get confused sharing their time between two households & end up not knowing where they live, where their home is. The priority is what's best for the children, not who is entitled to what. It might work if they have say 3 nights a week with him but spread across the week. Then again, they might get upset & unsettled by that. You can only try it & see what works best for your children. There are no set rules about what the arrangements should be.

It's not that I do think think he's entitled, I really didn't mean it that way. He's their daddy and theyove him. I'm just concerned it's not what would be best for my children, but I'm scared I'll be forced into it.

*they love him

Can you unpick (not necessarily on here) why it is that you don't think it will be good for them? If he is loving towards them there are not many issues that cannot be overcome if everyone treats each other with respect and is open to compromise and co-operation.

I felt very much like you when first split but now we have something like a 40/60 split to me and it is working well. I do miss the dc when they're not here, but the alternative would be that they wouldn't see much of their dad and that's not fair. Problems we do have are of a practical nature, like them leaving things in one house that they then want in the other. That's why organisation is key - I'm hoping it will improve if/when ex moves nearer to here and that will make it easier to make up for his disorganisation.

The bottom line is, if a marriage ends it means less time with your children. That hurts, but I always remind myself that it's a lot better than if he wasn't that bothered about not seeing them.