Any tales of marriage and family later in life? 34 and it still hasn't happened...

[lostandfound12]

Feeling a bit rubbish tonight.

I'm the only one in the 'group' of friends who is still single. Everyone else is now married.

I date, (some months more than others depending on the mood!). All online dating pretty much. It just hasn't happened.

Another summer of probably no holidays and lonely saturday nights :( i'll get off the pity train soon!

Any nice stories of finding it all later on in life would be appreciated...

A few years ago, I was you. I felt lonely and had given up meeting anyone. Online dating was crap so I concentrated on me, doing things that made me happy!
At 34, I met my now DH, we had our DS and married 2 years ago!
I honestly thought I'd never get married or have kids and then it just happened when I wasnt even looking!
Dont give up, get a dog, start a new hobby, or volunteer somewhere.
You never know!!

I met my boyfriend when I was 34. Eighteen months later we're very happy. Definitely the best relationship I've ever had. I think you're better equipped to pick a decent partner when you've got a bit of life experience under your belt. And 34 isn't old!

I used to live in Madrid and it is very normal there to not get married til 40 and have children after that so you are still very young. Anyway, being single IS nice. You get to relax and do your own thing. I miss it. X

I met dh at 38 at a time in my life when i was very happy, lots of hobbies and loved my job. I wasn't really looking for anyone having tried old and found it a not for me.
We married when I was 40 and our
daughter is 7 weeks old - I'm now 41 and we plan on having another.
You have plenty of time!

Bittersweet story here. I did meet someone later in life. I met my DH at 37 married at 39. But I don't have any children though and I will be honest it has been a struggle to have a child. I would therefore strongly look at egg freezing if you do want a family.

Nowadays clinics do programs where they freeze 20 eggs or so to assure you a very very very good chance of having a baby at a later age and give you peace of mind. Its not cheap or an easy process but its there to give you a chance of being a mum. Some women are luck and can have a baby in early 40s late 30s but its unfortunately a fact that fertility does suffer (as I myself have learnt).

I have come to terms with the fact I may never have kids, that is just life. However I do regret the fact that I did not freeze my eggs at 35 when I first heard about it.

Whatever you do I wish you the best.

I met DH at 30 but we didn't have DC until I was 39. You have time!

nice messages to read, thank-you. life feels scary today.

Married 31.
DS1 37.
DS4 44.

What will be, will be.
Have an interesting happy life, and you are more likely to be interesting to somebody else. And if not? Have an interesting and happy life. Care for your friendships and nurture interests.
Much as I love my children, I know I would have been fine had having a family never happened for me. My life would have been very different, but not worse.

V best of luck

What are your interests? Just off-hand I was thinking that running clubs have loads of men in them. Do you fancy anything like that?

Please don't fall into the trap of feeling peer pressure and only wanting to "settle down" because everyone else is. That's not a good enough reason.

I know two women who had children between the ages of 40 and 43 ,both still with the men they met ''late in life'' but really to meet somebody at 38, 39 is not that late in life. It's just another chapter.

You're not being silly at all! Even though I have friends and interests and children and responsibilities, I've nobody to just check out a new restaurant with, Id' have to ring around and arrange it, I've nobody to go and see a new film with, nobody to care or listen if I've been rejected or excluded and it is hard but I've learned not to bother with anything that doesn't feel easy. They say you have to work at it but not at the beginning. I wasted weeeeks with various guys in the past, not bailing quickly enough, hoping there was a reason they weren't turning out to be what I'd hoped. Now I know, bail instantly and move on to the next. There's always a next, and I have more than a decade on you. You can really play the numbers game when you have no dc and you're only 34.

I wish I were your age. I would like a relationship but I'm more than a decade older with 2 dc and no freedom. What I would do if I were your age would be the following

1. buy a book called 'Attached'' and read it just to make sure that it's not you. I mean that as kindly as possibly but I learnt a lot from that book, ie, that I mistook ambivalence in a man for butterflies. Meaning that I felt ''stifled'' and suffocated by genuine interest and turned on by avoidant types. This might not be the case at all but it's worth reading the book
2. get a profile and be really honest about what you want. If somebody genuinely captures your interest be your honest self and if that scares them off move on to the next really quickly. You are only 34. Don't date with a feeling of pressure. Date from a place of abundance!

Disclaimer : I'm as single as ... The Virgin Queen!

ps, absolutely agree, don't succumb to societal pressure to settle down unless it feels absolutely right. I settled down with an abusive arsehole and ludicrous and embarrassing as it is, I wouldn't have done that five years earlier because I was quite rightly focused on feeling good back then, then I began to feel pressure............. Disaster ensued.

thanks for the advice. im being too picky if anything, so definitely not looking to settle with anyone for the sake of it. life just feels lonely sometimes, even when im busy.

Nothing more lonely than feeling alone in a relationship. Just sayin'.

You'll be fine OP. I met my ex at 33, left the idiot at 40. Met my DP 18 months later when I least expected it. Best relationship ever! Now I'm 42. I've not given up on the idea of DC even now, it might happen, it might not.

A cousin of mine met her husband at 35. They have three lovely children and have been married over 25 years.

Forget dating for a bit. Book yourself a holiday. Doesn't have to be a singles holiday.
Build up your hobbles - do exercise (running club, fitness classes, ...).
Do things like go out with single pals or in a group or on your own.
then one day, when you least expect it, you'll meet a frog or a prince.

Uni friend met now dh around 36 and married at 38 and now has a son too and she is nearly 40 now. I'm 40 and met dp at 37 although I have kids already.

I felt exactly the same as you when I was your age OP. I met my husband at the age of 37 and married him the day before my 38th birthday. We've been married 4 years now.
One of my good friends didn't meet her boyfriend until she was 39 (after over a decade of being single) and had her first baby at aged 40. She and her DP are getting married next year.