Those who have children with ex's, how far away from them do you live?

[OhWhatAPalaver]

I think we might live too far away from my 5 year old dd's dad. He lives almost an hours drive away, he doesn't drive and it's two hours on public transport. We usually meet in the middle.
She says she misses him a lot during the week and as he sees her every weekend it feels like we never get to do fun stuff with her till the school holidays. I can tell she is resentful of this but I don't know what to do about it other than move nearer to him and his family. We want to move anyway at some point as we are done with city living and they live in a much more peaceful rural area.
I never thought I'd say this as I despised my ex for quite some time but we are now at a point where we all get along very well.
He has his new family (who are lovely) and I have mine and the past is behind us.
I want to do what's best for all of us and it feels like if we were closer we could share the load easier. He could do some school stuff and we could have some weekends.
Would be keen to see what others have done in this situation.

If you want to move closer then do it. Personally I moved 130 miles away from my ex and we took turns to collect dd on the train and back every other weekend (she was 2 when we started to do that). She used to quite enjoy the journey. Lots of iPad times and sweets etc.

Then when she was about 11 he moved to the USA! She spends half the summer with him there now. It's great, for her. She loves it.

I guess it depends how amicable you are!

DS1 lives in the same street as his ex and their ds - it's what the council offered him (yes, our council can still house single men!). He's a few doors away but they're not amicable. He does have regular contact, most of the time.

DS2 lives about five miles from his ex. They are very amicable, he's actually moved into her flat for the week while she goes on holiday with her new dp, to care for both their son and her dog. He has very regular contact with their ds, obviously. :D

Ds dad lives in Dublin and we are in the north east. I wish we lived closer, because I want him to have a day to day relationship with ds. He on the other hand prefers to live a flight away from responsibility ds and says he has his life there. I did consider moving over to him, but I was separated from pregnancy and I needed the support of my family as he went awol.

I stayed in the same village when we split. His insistence. Idea was that we'd split time with DCs 50/50. I agreed.

Ha! That never even started let alone lasted. He barely made time to see them at all. Within 18 months he'd moved a good hours drive away. Saw them every 6/8 weeks for a few hours. 10 years down the line they're as disinterested in him as he was in them then. He regrets it now, but it's too late.

10 minutes walk. Ex DH doesn't drive for health reasons, and it would break his and the childrens' hearts if we moved away. He sees them every day and often in the street by chance.

We moved 30/35 minutes drive away to a different county when DS2 was little. My choice, Ex wasn't pleased but has never been a 50/50 Dad either so it works. We both do the drives; I drop DS1 to him often as my family still live locally to Ex, and when we visit my family we often drop in on Ex's parents who adore spending time with DS1 (and DS2 - who isn't their Grandson but has grown up calling them Nanna and Pappa anyhow).

If you're both willing to compromise it can work, but it's hard dividing a child's time between two homes and two families, let alone adding in a long journey.

Yeah my ex's partner does 50/50 with her kids dad so I know he would be more than happy to see more of her, she gets on well with her step sister and brother as well so I think it'd benefit everyone. Apart from my dp who would have a much longer commute!

Ex moved 4 hr drive away, 10 hr by train I think. Now sees kids one a month or so. We are not on good terms.
His mother sees them most weekends, we get on well.
Would your ex stay where he is to be close to dd? I would have "being close to ex" on the list of reasons to live in an area but only prioritise it if he feels as strongly about being so close and definitely think about how you would feel if you moved closer to him and then he moved away. Iyswim

How does DP feel? You say he'd like rural life - would he be happy with the longer commute in order to obtain it?

As well as DP's feelings I'd be considering the quality of the local school. I probably wouldn't move DC from their good school to a poorer one.

It was dp that brought it up tbh. He was hoping to find a cheaper property to compensate for the longer commute but from looking at rightmove the prices are not much cheaper than where we are.
School wise, we want to move her anyway as she didn't get in where we wanted her to go.
Problem is we've already moved twice in the last 3 years so another move is quite daunting!

He moved to Spain for a year..then moved back 5 hours away...seen them twice this year...now planning on going back to Spain. ...no routine..opted out ...although would argue he hasn't!!😕😠

About 8-10 miles, luckily. We do shared care, it's about a 15 minute trip.

Initially my ex lived 3000 miles away and when he returned to live in the UK he chose to live 6 hour drive away.

He hardly see's the children but apparently that is all my fault. it is very difficult but the children seem quite unbothered which is good.

Blimey, lots of long-distance/non-existent dads around!!
I think it would be a good plan for us to move closer as things are amicable and have been for some time. Dd has a strong bond with her dad and he loves spending time with her so ultimately I think it'd be ok. I hope!

Several thousand miles away, thank fuck.

However when he was in the UK he insisted on living at least 40-60 mins drive away (he got thrown out of places quite a lot) and for the last 4 years didn't have a car so I did all the driving to and from. He lived in a gorgeous rural area for a while and I did briefly consider moving there but his fuckwittedness made me realise what a bad idea that would be.

However if he'd not been a monumental dickhead and we'd got on better I'd say the closer the better for the kids, really.