My friend, A, has a terrible track record with dating. In day to day life she is a strong,no bullshit tough love person, who is also one of the kindest people I know. But with men, a total doormat.
Current situation is with a man she first met last year who chased her relentlessly and then stood her up and ghosted her. They reconnected earlier this year - he was sorry, in a bad place, etcetc - and since then he has messed her about non stop. Dating, not dating, friends,not friends, not showing up when he's agreed to, changing plans at the last minute, starting arguments then behaving as if nothing has happened. All along I've been telling her to get rid but no dice.
Latest incident after a night out (as friends) was him texting her to tell her she was a terrible, awful person and he wanted no more to do with her, despite them having had a good time. She said that had crossed the line. Phew i thought, at last.
At drinks last night and she says he's been in touch again, not to apologise but to say how emotionally broken and dead he is and how ashamed he is of his behaviour generally. I asked if she is going to keep in touch with him and she starts telling me how she feels sorry for him and then shared some of the things that have gone on between them which she thinks means they have an emotional connection, but to me just seem ways of him punishing her when she steps out of line and keeping her near him.
I was telling DP about the latest developments and my suspicions about this man, we decided to try to find out more about him online. Without going into to much detail how we are fairly sure we have pieced this guy's back story together and it is gruesome.
Debts, string of failed businesses, marriage, family, DV. And most of that by the age of 30. None of these have been mentioned to my friend and the man he seems to be now is, on the surface, light years away from his previous life.
I know without knowing everyone involved I can't be 100% sure it is him or that it's all the truth but my instinct says it is.
Should I share this with A to warn her about this man? It seems like it doesn't matter how badly he behaves, she will forgive him. Their relationship has been platonic in the main and both have been dating other people but they are very emotionally intense with each other.
I don't know about the ins and outs of custody when DV is involved but wouldn't no contact mean it was pretty bad? Can people like that change?