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My BF left me because of his mother and siblings

26 replies

Zizzi77 · 03/06/2017 08:38

I knew my ex two months ago, im 32 he is 28. He was too nice to me and agreeable to whatever i said and made me feel like a princess. And within 3 days he said he wants me and like me so much. We dated so many times almost every day in a month, but things started to changed one month after that. I went to his mothers house, and he commented that his mother said im way too old for him (im 4 ys elder) and his mum said i cant get pregnant and will look old in the future. And also said im not friendly during our first meeting. And his mum commented so many other things which broke my heart, eventhough i was being so nice to her in our first meeting. (Brought cake to her house and was abit shy and polite in our first meeting, she was keep on playing with her hp and quiet. She didnt aporoach me much. Only his younger siblings was asking me questions. All below 25ys old. This guy was still dating and giving me future and marriage hopes, and he asked me to visit his mother again to correct back the situation. I did visit again, and this time i was friendly with his mom and helped her on all the kitchen stuffs. The next days i texted her mum just to be friendly on how she is and whether she had lunch. She didnt replied. But after 2 days, she replied that family has made the decision (his siblings and his mom) she doesnt want me to contact her son and her son also will not contact me and ask to end the relationship. I sent the text to his son, he seems like so cool and as he already knew about it. We argued and i told him that he shouldnt give me hopes if he knew his mother doesnt like me since beginning since i was taking it was not so serius till this extent. I told him that we go together to your mom and explain to her that we love each other, but he seems not interested and he stopped to contact me for one week. During this i cried as hell. Then initiated and called him back after one week, and plan to meet the next day to discuss on how to save this relationship. But then he cancelled plan on the next day and send a long message that he wants to end the relationship. I called him and we argued again, and he said he could leave the world for his mother even me, and his mom wants the best for him and he said if i really wants him, asked me to asked his mum again and apologize to her again and again for one of two months if she agrees (IF). Its like begging her mum. He told me that dont let her mom know that he told me this. I was really confused as he is too scared of his mum and siblings. I called him and cursed him. I felt like i was being played off by him. Because if he really loves me, he would not leave me and should have contacted me as he knows my condition, was crying badly and sick. He called me once and said he missed me and no call after that. He started to contact another girl everynight the same time he used to call me. Im so heartbroken and depressed. Should i beg him and his mum?

OP posts:
Herestonevergrowingup · 03/06/2017 08:42

Oh god no. You are well out of it. I have never heard such nonsense in all my life.

NancyWake · 03/06/2017 08:42

Hell no.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 03/06/2017 08:43

No, don't contact. Lucky escape.

mummarichardson · 03/06/2017 08:43

No! If she has this much say so now, imagine what it would be like in a relationship?! Once you were planning a wedding or having children.

I don't know if I read it correctly but you were only with him for 2 months and sound far too invested. Look at this as a missed bullet, you almost begged a man and his mother to respect you and would have been doing this forever if you did.

You can find someone else without these issues, please please do not beg them!

sooperdooper · 03/06/2017 08:44

No leave them all you it, your better off out of this ridiculous situation

kateclarke · 03/06/2017 08:46

It may not feel like it now, but you have had a very lucky escape from that family.

Run as fast as you can and find a man not a little boy.

TokenGinger · 03/06/2017 08:46

Is there a heritage, other than British, to this family? I'm asking because it'll help with the advice given.

For example, if this was my best friend who is British, atheist, my response would be different to the one I would give to my other best friend who is Pakistani, Muslim, as their family expectations, lives and involvement from family differs hugely.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/06/2017 08:51

Do not go begging to these people.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up and why is your relationship bar so very low. Was your childhood very sheltered and were your parents too overprotective?. He took advantage of your good nature. He does not love you (he does not know the meaning of the word) and his family of origin are no good. They do not respect you at all.

Love your own self for a change and educate yourself more re red flags in relationships.

Catminion · 03/06/2017 08:51

I am sorry, but if he wanted the continue with the relationship he would. It sounds like he has met someone else he likes better.

The mum and siblings are toxic. You would never ever have been happy as part of that family.

Walk away with dignity, don't beg and scrape.

TheNaze73 · 03/06/2017 08:58

He's using them as a smokescreen to get out of things. If he truly wanted it, he'd be with you

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/06/2017 09:06

He's using them as a smokescreen to get out of things. If he truly wanted it, he'd be with you
Either that or he is a little boy who does exactly what his mummy tells him. Either way - you are better off out of it.

Mulberry72 · 03/06/2017 09:26

Sorry but you've dodged a bullet there OP

Your ex sounds like a complete Mummy's boy and his Mother sounds like a complete batshit control freak!

HildaOg · 03/06/2017 09:34

Stop crying, be grateful you didn't get stuck with this manchild. Now you need to sort yourself out. If you're open to relationships with kiddie men like this then your standards are far too low, this will lead to huge problems for relationships in the future.

If you want to be happy (and that should be your focus) and have healthy relationships then you need to date independent adults. Write a list of all the qualities you'd like in a man; kindness, maturity, independence etc... And write off anyone who doesn't have them.

You may need some time to grow up first though. You're 32 but you write like a fifteen year old. Sort yourself out before getting involved with a man.

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel · 03/06/2017 09:36

Am I right in thinking that the OP has a different cultural background from white British? If so, her expectations are not as ridiculous as some commentators may feel.

Either way, it's a sad situation for the OP but she still dodged a bullet in terms of having a lifelong relationship with this family.

flowery · 03/06/2017 10:08

You've only been dating a few weeks? That's brilliant, that you've found all this out so early and not wasted too much time. You can walk away and find someone else.

Zizzi77 · 04/06/2017 05:52

Dear All, thank you all for your advice. Im a muslim and from malaysia.

Appreciate it. I have moved on with my life, however im still feeling sad and shocked, why this could happen to me. He would never come into my life as i was so happy before, he turns it into hell.

Fyi, i have engaged 5 years back and broke off because that guy has betrayed me (was in 5 years relationship with that guy). I was in very traumatic condition during that period. In between that, i met alot of guys arranged by my family, and we were professional enough and dont invest in love at all instead of just get to know each other formally. If either one if we doesnt really like, we will inform to our family and just moved on.

But in this case, it was also arranged by family. But this guy was really different from others, he straight away jumped into me and talked about love, weddings and all that. At the very beginning, i made him clear that i had traumatic relationship before and story to him what happened to me, i told him that i dont want that to happen again, he promised that he will never leave me. I was thinking he was made for me and its a sign.

But i do not know that he will leave me just like that. That made me so frustrated even after i told him about my past, he did the same thing to me.

OP posts:
Zizzi77 · 04/06/2017 05:58

I feel relieved because im out from this relationship. But deep inside, im still feeling very dissapointed, he didnt fight for me, instead just threw me like a thrash. Means only i was the one loving him from all the heart, he was not serius. I feel so degraded of what his mom told about me, and he came told me eventhough he knew i will feel hurt.

OP posts:
Zizzi77 · 04/06/2017 06:07

Im from muslim background and from malaysia tokenginger.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/06/2017 07:15

He's the one who lost out Zizzi

I don't know if you feel like you have to marry someone or if your family wants you to but it's important not to rush into anything. Don't blame yourself because this man wasn't very kind or considerate to you. Definitely don't go begging to his mother either.

thethoughtfox · 04/06/2017 07:32

I am so sorry to hear this. Try to move on. It's perhaps just as well you know that this family are not kind and welcoming now before you married this person.

Deathraystare · 04/06/2017 07:43

Well, at 28 he is not a child, and you are only 4 years older. My mum was 10 years older than dad. However, you have had a lucky escape. Move on.

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel · 04/06/2017 10:23

Zizzi it's good to hear that you are being careful about your choices. Still, even with your family's input, 2 months is really not long enough to get to know a person - believe me, I have been there and made those life changing mistakes!

You are still young by modern western standards so don't worry too much.
Pick yourself up, keep your head held high and enjoy your life.
I'm sure that the right person will come along for you, and you will have gained valuable wisdom from this unpleasant experience.

Underthemoonlight · 04/06/2017 10:27

It all seems abit full on op after only two months texting his mother then begging him.

Cricrichan · 04/06/2017 11:31

Lucky escape. Imagine having to put up with that harridan and a man who only puts his mum's unreasonable wishes above his innocent wife's. Don't spend another second thinking about him.

Amarielle · 04/06/2017 11:40

Would you really want a woman like that to be the grandmother to your children? Lucky escape - be kind to yourself. Love yourself and give him the space to love his mother