This has been a really complicated couple of years but I should explain as I suppose it's all relevant... (also my return key doesn't work so not sure how to do a new paragraph - apologies for big block of text!) DP and I met very soon after the breakup of my previous relationship, about two years ago. I wasn't sure about him at first, thought we might just be friends but then started falling for him and within two months I was pregnant. Around this time, we moved to a horrible damp, tatty flat (all we could afford and only meant to be temporary while I was waiting for the purchase of my flat to go through) - I had very bad nausea and the flat was miles from my work (I worked fulltime) so the drive was sometimes 90 minutes, twice a day, 5 times a week. I started staying at my mum's a couple of nights a week as it was closer to work and much nicer/more comfortable. I started feeling an aversion to DP at this time. I couldn't pin it to one thing in particular, just didn't enjoy being around him and didn't feel physically attracted. We did some research and found that this could happen in pregnancy but usually resolved itself later in the pregnancy or after the baby was born. I started staying more frequently at my mum's and within a fortnight moved in completely and broke it off with DP. He couldn't accept it and started sending thousands of messages, not taking no for an answer and while i felt sympathetic, he was not respecting my feelings and trying to force me to see him which ended up making me resentful and pushing me even further away. There followed several extremely nasty emails from him and it became apparent that he was posting about me online using my real name, trying to get sympathy from other people and encouraging them to condemn me (he sent me evidence of this) in the end, at 5 months pregnant, I couldn't cope with the harassment any more and sought advice from the police who warned him not to contact me anymore. i agreed to keep him updated about the baby via email, then via my mother's email when he used the emails between as a means to continue to harass me. He then refused my mother's email and denied paternity at which point I cut off contact completely. After DD was born he insisted on a paternity test before he would pay any maintenance and we only communicated via solicitor (although I never even so much as implied that he couldn't see dd - I always wanted her to have a good relationship with her father if possible) Anyway, communication and paternity test took ages so in the end DD was eight months old when he met her for the first time. By that point we hadn't seen or spoken to each other for over a year and he was in a relationship with someone else. The first couple of contact meetings went well and we talked things over. At this point i started feeling as though I had feelings for him again (that maybe the hormonal pregnancy thing had worn off) and he told me he was still in love with me. After a lot of discussion and sincere apologies from him about how he'd behaved (he took full responsibility for his actions and felt terrible for how he'd been) we decided to try again. He's a great dad to dd and absolutely adores her and also an extremely caring, attentive, helpful partner. The person that he was during my pregnancy is not at all how he is now. However now, after three months and after all that, Ive ended it. I just don't feel 'in love' and even though he's a perfect partner and amazing dad, and absolutely adores me, I just felt like my heart wasn't in it. I guess it wasn't the hormonal pregnancy thing after all but who knows, I'm so confused. I feel like a terrible person because he's absolutely devastated, having to go through this a second time. And I feel so bad for DD. I feel so guilty but i'm almost certain I don't want to be with him because there's just something missing. Am I expecting too much? Should I have carried on even though I felt like I was settling? Am I just a complete idiot that should never attempt to have a relationship with anyone else ever again? It's all such a mess.