Love MN and the fact that people are willing to take the time to help total strangers. Can't believe I am now seeking help myself but I feel I am rock bottom and have never felt so low. Cut a long story short, been with DH for over 25 years, married for 20 with two children (19 and 16). DH works all the time. He works away for three or four days each week and the rest of the time I don't see him because he is working. When he is home, he is tired so falls asleep. Then he's off again. I have tried to tell him that I am lonely but his stock answer is that he's busy providing for us. Rewind two years, when I was looking for a document on an old laptop, I discovered that DH had been using the laptop and left his emails open. I found flirty messages to another woman and it was evident that he had given her a piece of jewellery of sentimental value. He was clearly sniffing around hoping for something, but she rebuffed him. I was devastated. Never entered my head that my loyal hardworking DH would do that. I told him I'd seen the messages and he insisted it was not what it seemed, he wasn't thinking and had made a mistake. I know in my heart that if she had clicked her fingers he would have been off. But I forgave him and we have lurched on. But it changed things for me as I now am constantly wondering what he is doing when he's not with me. He is glued to his phone and he has absolutely refused to let me see what is on it. He says that there is work related information on there that is confidential so he cannot let me see it. I did look on his laptop at his downloaded photographs and there are several photographs of women that I don't know. Just faces. But one looks like it's been cropped from a topless shot. I challenged him about this and he says people send him holiday photos etc and they are saved automatically. When I say that I don't have photos of random men on my phone, he says that it's not his fault that he is gregarious and has friends and I don't. It is true that I don't really have any close friends any more but then I thought I had my best friend in my DH so foolishly invested all my time on him and my family. Now, I feel completely alone. My gut instinct is that he is either cheating, or hoping to. He denies this but the evidence is there isn't it. He's always on damn facebook and from looking at it you would think he is single. No mention of me anywhere, at all. He says that's because he knows I like my privacy! I just can't believe after 25 years and at this stage in my life, I am going to be completely on my own. I feel such a fool. Been supporting him all these years and he clearly doesn't really give a shit about me. He says I am making a big deal about nothing and it is my trust issues that are causing the problem. He says he loves me. But the gift to the woman, the messages, the photographs, the fact that he is on WhatsApp at all hours when he's away, and a general lack of affection - well it's not good is it. I just don't want to accept that this is it. Going on as we are is killing me but I can't see life on my own, I just can't. I'm too old and fearful to start over; I just couldn't do it. Sorry - just feel depressed about it all. What to do? (Thanks if you take time to read).