I don't think its a good idea to discuss what makes me upset anymore.
Unfortunately i still get the impression you are defending him and taking his side. You have unintentionally, but by default, minimised his actions towards me, effectively saying that I am talking nonsense and dismissing very real raw hurts.
I now understand that I can equally argue against your theories as to why he behaves in a certain way. In a kind way, i am trying to say that your suggestions are guesswork and neither you (nor anyone else) knows, other than the person in the situation.
iam sure you know its enormously hurtful to have feelings and emotions negated and disregarded in that way. I cared so much for our family, more than he did. I put my heart and soul into my marriage. i spent years on anti-depressants and participating in counselling and self-improvement activities.
Yet, I internalised every put down, rejection, isolation tactic that came my way. Yes i was obviously weak.
I came close a major nervous breakdown three years ago. i wasn't depressed. I was so lost, so afraid to speak up, to disagree.
three words were all i ever needed were. " I believe you"
yes his words could be seen as harsh or that i overreact to them but i do so because his behaviours were dreadful too.
im really not having a go but i would like you to understand why you see me angry and exhausted., It would be impossible to not be under the circumstances.
Am I having a go? Hardly trust myself anymore....
Please be reassured that am doing my best and i think i am finally accepting that his best will never come up to the mark.
love you xx