Return of children

[DevaObtuse]

Regular mumsnetter here, but name changed as I don't want this connected to me via other posts

I am separating from my husband. Still living together, but barely civil and I am trying to get everything sorted to divorce without affecting the children. There is no residency order or anything as it is early days, but I am definitely their primary carer.

My children spent yesterday, last night and today with my husband's parents. They are young, and not used to sleeping there without both parents, so it has felt like a big deal that they stayed overnight with no parent there.

The children were due to be returned this evening, but they haven't been. No contact from either the grandparents or my husband about anything all day, but when I asked when they'd be home I was told they're staying there overnight again. I don't get a choice in this apparently. My DDs are confused as they knew they were going for one night

What is the right thing to do? I don't want to go there and confront anyone as it will scare the children. But this is not ok. It is the first time they've gone, and the agreed arrangements haven't been kept to. I want them home for the rest of half term, as was arranged and planned for.

What should I do?

I have absolutely no idea about these things but my instincts would be not to confront tidy but to put in an email what you have said above i.e. record in writing the fact that he has broken a verbal agreement to the detriment of the kids. It will be ammunition for future disputes.

You might want to start a thread in legal, too.

Oh gosh, I don't know what to say. Because I'd be going in all guns blazing, and as you say, that may not be for the best.Good luck.

I'm a family solicitor. Don't do anything tonight, DC don't need to witness a confrontation and presumably you are sure they are safe. Email or text them saying you expected them home tonight, that was what was agreed and ask when they are being returned. If they don't reply go see a solicitor tomorrow and get an order for their return immediately. This behaviour could have a significant impact on his/their future contact. They can't be trusted to adhere to agreed arrangements. What must your DC think?? I would think carefully about letting them go again for an overnight in these circumstances. When you get the DC back tell them that they won't be staying again until you are sure they can return them on time. Keep it daytime only. If they can't stick to arrangements you'll need a court order to regulate it.

Omg hope you get it sorted out jk has given you great advice. I'll give you a hug and hope all goes well 😥🤗

OP I would add make sure your emails or texts make it explicitly clear when they were due home. If they won't return get to court tomorrow as it's weekend approaching.

Thank you for your replies. I know the girls are safe, probably excited to be staying longer. It's just the change of plan and lack of consultation that I don't like at all.

Further messaging tonight has shown that my husband ok'd the extended stay. Is he allowed to do that?

Well if the GPs thought it was all ok that's different. It's your husband who has been unreasonable for not checking with you or blatantly undermining you. What a sneak! I'd tell him if it happens again it will impact on his time with the DD when you're living separately. What does he think he's doing? He can't be trusted at the moment can he?

I am trying so hard to keep everything fair and open - I want the girls to see their dad and their grandparent now and when we're eventually living apart.

I hope this is all a big misunderstanding and it is all fixed tomorrow. If things like this keep happening is it possible to have a legal agreement about who has responsibility for the girls when, while we're still living together? I don't think we will be living apart u til we're much further down the process, which is hard on everybody

You can have an agreement OP but it's not enforceable in any way if one of you breaches it. That protection only comes with a court order. Hopefully this is just a blip. Make sure GPs know what your husband has done. They might be shocked. Lay your ground rules now or he will probably keep trying to walk all over you