Dm driving me mad

[Rach5l]

We're not overly close (some might recognise me from stately homes thread) but live nearby. I have a way of 'managing' her which is fine, I can deal with.

She has various health issues though - she was in hospital for months last year. Since she got out shes changed, really aged in her outlook.

Shes given up driving, she won't go to their holiday house in Spain because she says she can't manage it, shes on the edge of tears all the time, she won't go shopping without my dad etc etc. I think shes depressed but if I mention that I get shot down (ex GP knows better than anyone else)

She rings me most days talking at length about herself, her problems & how scared she is of dad dying. I'm trying to be sympathetic & listen & offer words of encouragement but its not enough. She rang just now & I didn't pick up so she left a message saying how shes had a bad day & everythings gone downhill I feel bad but I honestly cant face another similar woe ise conversation. Im a single parent to 3 & I havent got the energy. Any advice? Shes 65 btw

I don't think there's anything wrong with limiting conversation time to a level you can cope with. My Mother has similar traits alas. Sometimes I am able to change the subject during a pause in the negative monalogue conversation, sometimes not. I feel your pain.

Thanks, Im making a mental note now to be a jolly old person come what may!

My NDN are 15 years older & are full of joie de vivre despite having health problems & losing a son a few years ago. Mum has so much to live for and look forward to I wish I could help her out of this. What is the point of being so negative & fearful all the time????

It sounds like she has serious anxiety issues. Would she be open to seeing a therapist?

I agree they are not living the life they could, and it's sad... maybe your neighbours are less cheerful with their family? Just a thought....people, including my Mother, would not dream of being so negative with other people. That special treat is reserved for family . Sometimes, I actually hold the phone away from me, and don't listen for a bit

Have you managed to talk to your dad about his wife?.

I think you need to reassess how you are managing her currently because it is clear that boundaries need reaffirming. She is leaning on you too much and probably because you're the only one left who bothers with her. It is not your fault your mother is the ways she is, you did not make her that way.

She may well be depressed but you cannot help anyone who ultimately does not want to be helped. I would reaffirm your boundaries here further, you cannot keep on being both her emotional punchbag and sounding board.