Just feeling really low, my bf and I ended it yesterday, and I don't think it has quite hit me yet, all I can think about is the good times we shared and how I thought we'd grow old together .
Am feeling unloveable, like I'll never find anyone who will love me faults and all, and it's sooooo hard to meet people anyway as a single mum.
Oh god, I'm really single all over again, I feel so stupid for getting so close, for opening myself up, but I couldn't help it, he was actually lovely, he is lovely, that's what is so hard, nothing happened, neither of us did anything wrong or hurt the other one,we just started arguing, disagreeing on things, and seemed to view things differently, I think it al moved too fast, even though I was so careful not to rush things. The worst thing is that he is the only man I have ever actually loved in the true sense of the word, not just 'in love with' but actually just loved, warts and all, as a person, and I still do . I just got the feeling it hasn't been right in the last few weeks, I can't explain it really, but things were very strained and tense and we are both under a huge amount of pressure at work, and I was getting upset and feeling insecure, which I shouldn't be feeling in a relationship...
Oh well, I just have to get used to being alone in a bed every night all over again, only being hugged and kissed by my DS who's four, no one to chat to and laugh with and share my day with, no one to turn over and have sleepy hugs with in the morning, no one to make me feel special or worth anything or to give me a sense of identity as anything other than a mother .
Sorry for the ramble, I'm feeling all alone and lonely and terribly terribly sad, and it's mother's day, and I'm at my parents with my three beautiful sisters who are all in wonderful long term relationships ( and I love them dearly, don't get mewrong, I'mnot jealous, it's just hard), and I have to pretend I'm fine coz I think if I start I will not stop, the floodgates will open, I feel broken inside {sad] so broken.