Me and DH are at a bit of a crossroads in our lives, and in my case, in our relationship. I'm wondering if I should leave him.
We have been married 5 years, together for 7 and have one DD who is nearly four.
DH has struggled with depression and anxiety and has only half-heartedly sought any help for it, seeing a GP once and various private psychologists for 1-3 visits at a time. The last occasion was after he had been self-medicating with alcohol and I threw him out of the house. I thought I could smell alcohol on him a couple of weeks ago but he swears not... not sure if I believe him. His anxiety affects his sleep and he's often up very early and unable to go back to sleep. I'm frustrated that he doesn't seem to be doing anything to address this. It affects us all and I know he is less patient with DD if he's had a bad sleep. She's a bit challenging at the moment but no more than any other 4yo!
Anyway, he is stressed out by his job and we have been discussing my going back to full time work and him making a change. (I work 2 part time jobs and am out most weekday afternoons/evenings.) I'm happy with how things are but I thought it was only fair to allow him to work part time or in a less-stressful role as he's been supporting me to stay home with DD.
Today my afternoon session was cancelled so I was at home for a change and he claimed that having afternoons together was something he was looking forward to if/when our jobs changed. But he took himself off to bed and slept for an hour, then looked at his phone in bed til I came in to tell him dinner was ready. We ate together then he tried to get DD ready for bed but she was messing about and got gradually sillier until he really shouted at her. She was upset and I calmed her down and had a big talk about her bedtime shenanigans being upsetting for everyone and she was so sweet and really listening and she agreed and then went to bed good as gold after that.
DH eventually did the dishes and we watched some telly and went to bed but the afternoon/evening was definitely not special or quality time so I'm not sure I want to upheave my life and DDs schedule to allow him to lie around while I cook and look after DD some more. What's in it for me??
I do love him and think he's a good person but I am frustrated that he seems to be in this rut and not doing much/anything practical about getting himself out of it. The plan to change his job is like a bandaid solution, I feel, and when I said I hoped he'd use some of the free time it would create to seek some regular counselling he looked a bit bemused like, if he quits his job his anxiety will just disappear. I have been depressed myself but feel like living with a depressed person is pulling me down tbh. It takes all my energy to be happy for DD then I'm just flumped on the sofa. I have a bad back but can never summon the energy/motivation to do my physio. Prompted by the last psych he saw, DH offered to do them with me every day and help keep me on track. He did it once and never mentioned it again. It meant a lot to me that he offered and I'm pretty sad he didn't follow through. Seems symbolic.
Any words of wisdom for me?