Problems living with boyfriends family

[U441]

Myself and my boyfriend are finding it difficult living with his mum at the minute. She fell out with her 18 y/o daughter a few weeks ago so she moved out with her partner and they're always on the phone arguing. Her daughter said that she had tried apologising to her mum but her mum was just being petty and wouldn't let her see her baby sister. Their mum was saying to me and my boyfriend that her daughter wasn't trying to make amends and that she was just causing arguments but her daughter sent my boyfriend the screenshots of her apologising and their mum ignoring her. So on Monday me and my boyfriend sat downstairs with her and said we may be moving out soon as we're looking for a place of our own to which she said 'well don't expect to see your little sister because it's not fair on her that you just come in and out of her life whenever you feel like it' I don't think it's fair at all that she is using her daughter as a way of trying to keep her kids at home so she doesn't have to be there on her own?? And I'm starting to see that maybe she did that with her other daughter to try and keep her there and because it didn't work she's now ignoring her?

That sounds like not your circus and not your monkeys OP

I'd stay well out of the argument between his mum and sister

If you and him move out then let him manage contact with his mum. How young is the younger sister? Maybe she can contact you anyway if she wants to

She's only 1 year old

Really not you again.Is she still dealing drugs op.

Yes.

@RebornSlippy I remember her . You summarised it perfectly. 😂😂😂

She can post on here if she wants. She is 18 with an abusive boyfriend. Why doesn't she deserve support?

Knock yourself out, Nevergrowingold. Maybe you'll succeed where scores of the rest of us have failed.

Oh yes. You again. What do you expect to be told that you haven't been told a million times already? He's a nob. It's her house. Move out. Dump him and Don't get pregnant by him.

I've seen her other threads. She is obviously young and vulnerable and the way she is dismissed and insulted on here is disgusting.

Nevergrowingold I take your point. However, maybe you should concentrate on offering some sage advice to the youngster instead of berating the rest of us? I have tried, I have failed. With the evident concern you have, maybe you'll be able to help her see the light. Away you go.

You're not going to get any different advice just because you've name-changed this time.

I don't know any previous threads, but OP I can tell you that no good ever comes of he said-she said and getting involved in other people's business.

I'd also caution you not to discuss all your own business with people who don't need to know. Don't fall into that trap.

I can't tell her what to do but I don't think she should be told not to post any more.

@Nevergrowingold ,op starts multiple threads with the same problem.Shw gets great advice, doesn't take it and comes back again.

She's not going to be what she wants to hear,that's why she starts all the threads.

I agree with NeverGrowingOld. While it denies us a sense of gratification at having our good, sensible advice seemingly ignored repeatedly, this is this young woman's real life. We know that abused women attempt to leave seven times before they finally manage it. We know that women who are being abused are so ground down that defying their partner seems impossible.

The best way to support a woman in an abusive relationship is to listen, to bear witness, to offer advice when it's asked for but not aportion blame if she is not ready or able to follow it.

OP - I wouldn't involve yourself in the situations between your boyfriend's sister and his mum. That very much falls into the category of not your problem, and there's nothing you can do to resolve it anyway. If his mum won't listen to you about not exposing her youngest daughter to drug deals, she's certainly not going to listen to you about repairing relations with her eldest.

I name changed because I knew I'd get a load of verbal abuse because I've 'had advice before and not taken it' but I don't have anyone who I can talk to about what goes on.

Well do you want to just have a moan and offload, or do you want a discussion about how to avoid this kind of situation and how to change things? It's your choice.

I know I'd have found it very difficult living with inlaws let alone with inlaws who weren't great at relationships and who use a child as a pawn to manipulate other people.

Of course, if as others here seem to indicate, your problems mostly stem from your personal relationship with your boyfriend, then that's another matter. Whatever you do make sure your don't get pregnant and bring more complications into the mix.

I just want to be able to offload instead of having to keep it all to myself

You didn't even like the baby sister the other day OP, you were angry that the mother wanted you to spend time with her, now you are upset at the thought you might not see her 🤔 Think it's just that you dislike or resent your boyfriend's Mum who's giving you a home isn't it

No, I'm not upset at all but I know my boyfriend was which was why I posted that

And I could also see that she was trying to get her kids to stay at home so she didn't have to be on her own by threatening them with their sister

@U4415 presuming you are also the OP @U441.
That's fine then.

Rather than namechanging might I suggest you stick to one and make it clear that you just want a rant and don't want any advice on how to change things. People don't want to challenge you, which you see as giving you verbal abuse, but posters who invest time and emotion in trying to help others in difficult situations, will naturally get frustrated when advice is ignored but the poster keeps on complaining.

From my own life I had a situation which made me very unhappy and I must've sounded off about it one too many times to the same person who snapped at me and told me instead of going on about it, I should either shut up or change things up. I was totally taken aback, but mulled it over and had a moment of clarity. They were absolutely right and I took their advice.

There's no problem with you being unhappy and wanting a release here, just as long as you accept that you'll be locked in Groundhog Day and because of that, you yourself become part of the overall problem.

The issues you're describing here are between your boyfriend, his sister and their mother. If I were you I'd keep my own counsel on how it seems.