"I did love you, but I dont any more"

[Heartbroken2]

My partner of 2 years has been very distant for the last 6 months or more, whenever I ask if he still loved me I'd get a "yep" and then he'd change the subject. After a nice bank holiday weekend together, I finally asked him "how do you feel about me?" so that he couldnt just say yes, and after a bit of a pause he finally says "I dont think I feel the same way you do, I cant say it (I love you) if its isnt true".
He says he meant it when he said it in the past, but he just doesnt feel that way any more, he still "cares about me".

Im devastated, I knew he'd been more distant but always had that knowledge "he does still love me though", and now it turns out that hasnt been true for seemingly quite a while. I just keep replaying in my head all the times he said it and how happy I was, and I cant quite believe that thats just gone for no reason.

I feel simultaneously like a gullible idiot for believing him and making a fool of myself, and gutted that this is another relationship in a sparse line of "dating, going well, interest tales off, they end things without being the slightest bit hesitant or upset". I'm 36 and not exactly swamped with interest as it is, I can see a life of being lonely and unimportant to anyone stretching out in front of me, and I cant even blame him for being unreasonable.

The poor guy lost someone he was with for over 15 years. Wow I know it's shitty for you Op I really do but maybe he has just realised after giving it a go he can't love anyone like he loved her. Maybe he would rather be alone. Respect his honesty and move on.

I think he's being honest, although it's sad for you. He might not even have quite realised it until he was put on th spot by your questions. It's not that you've done anything wrong, or anything that you should feel humiliated or stupid about. I know that's easy to say, I've been in your shoes a good few times over the years.

I think 2Rebecca spoke a lot of truth. It is quite amazing that people do manage to live and love together at all. It just wasn't quite there for him.

One of my ex's, who really upset me when he said it wasn't there for him, has turned out (after a few months of space) to be a very good friend. Thirteen years of friendship (and being with my husband) has told me he was right. We weren't right for each other (I'd have killed him or he'd have killed me!) but we were right enough to tick along for a while.

Block him in every way. Don't be back here in 3 months kicking yourself again.

"The poor guy..."

Sorry but I just cant feel sorry for him right now. He dumped me with "Ive learned a lot from you and will be better in future relationships" ie "rather than try and address any of the ways ive treated you badly, its nicer for me to chuck you as a broken testcase and try more with some new more exciting women", I'm not really interested in anyone painting him as some kind of tragic grand romantic.

I agree storm. He isn’t a ‘poor guy’ at all.

Sorry who asked either of you to feel sorry for him? I certainly didn't.

I say poor guy more because he lost the woman he was with for 15 years.

No what he has done has not worked out but speaking as someone who has cancer I would like to think that when I'm gone my wife will try to find someone to love again do you know what it might not work out, it might end up exactly like this situation but she has every right to try and be happy again just like this guy does.

Sure she does, and if she dumps the new person after 2 1/2 years with "hey its not working out but I'll be better with the next person" then I wont feel sorry for her either.

But who wants you to feel sorry for anyone? I don't understand no one on here has asked for neither your pity or your sorrow. TBH I don't think anyone wants it.

I was explaining a point of view. Sometimes things just don't work out why don't you try growing up and when you hit a level of maturity you might gain some perspective.

It's a horrible situation it is but not the end of the world and he is not a criminal. So what would you have had him done? Lie? Pretend he is still in love and keep living the lie and keeping both unhappy forever?

Youve wandered onto a thread from someone whos deeply devestated at having been unexpectedly dumped by someone she genuinely loved in a really off-hand way less than two weeks ago, and have decided to make it all about how your wife might feel about dating once youre dead.

Congrats on speaking for everyone here about who we should feel sorry for with your unwanted opinion. The fact you are male is utterly unsurprising to me.

Aminuts23 in answer to your kind question, I was going to say I felt a little better but mysteriously in the last few hours I feel utterly awful again, cant think what could have caused that.

How have I made it anything to do about me and my situation I used it as an example. As far as I'm aware I made one post referring to my situation and that's turning it into a thread about me? What your saying makes no sense. If you read the story and what the guy has been through my example is completely relevant.

No what happened was I made a comment you didn't like it and made a comment back so I took you on and didn't just let you get away with the nonsense you were speaking and like many on mumsnet you don't like it so you don't answer any of the questions I asked, you don't give an informed opinion or argument you throw your toys out the pram and act like an baby.

Now because you don't have anything else to say your attacking me because I'm a man. Awesome.

Also you have posted on a public internet site whether it has made you feel bad again or not which by the way wasn't my intention I have every right to give an opinion.

If you post on mumsnet not everyone will agree with you and I suggest until you grow up do not post on here if don't want the full gambit of opinions.

I will apologise though it was not my intention to make feel bad I was just using my situation to try and empathise with how the guy might be feeling.

Seeing as you don't want opinions and seemingly only want a pity party I will leave your thread and not return.

Keep your chin up Storm. I understand totally your anger. He's treated you terribly. Keep moving forward in a positive way. Friday night was 'our' night. Tonight is the 2nd one since it ended. Got hammered last week. Not tonight. Planning a restful and relaxing evening. Hope you've got some plans for the weekend to keep you busy

Thank you Aminuts23, I actually went out to a new sports event thats starting near me last night, just need to decide if the £32 per month fee is worth it! There is a part of me that cant help thinking "thats about what we would spend on our "big date night" meals out every few weeks" so I guess I can but it was another small stab in the heart reminding me that there will never be any more of those.

Raizel Im literally skipping straight past any posts with your name on them, consider yourself ignored.

He hasn't treated you terribly, for gods sake. It's tough, but break ups happen. Raizel has cancer, has a level of insight into a situation where someone could lose a spouse, and you've effectively told him to fuck off.

Your ex said the wrong thing, but he was honest with you. Pull yourself together. Hopefully you'll look back at this and be embarrassed at how you've responded to people on this thread.

storm FWIW, I think he has been quite cruel. I can fully appreciate that he had an awful experience with losing his partner. That he didn't see your relationship in the way you did.

But after what happened a few months ago, he knew. He knew your feelings were stronger than his. He knew you wanted more than what he could give you. He effing knew and he still came back asking to try again. And then drop you again.

He may have gone through a tough time but that is no excuse. He has every right to leave a relationship he is not happy with. But he does not have the right to toy with your feelings.

Block him. Walk away. Head up high. Move on in the full knowledge that you gave it your best

I think he has treated her badly. He knew when they broke up before that his heart was not in it. He should have shown her the respect to leave her alone after that and not strung her along again, knowing that he was going to hurt her again. For what it's worth I don't think the fact that his last partner passed away is particularly relevant to how he is treating Storm now. People deserve honesty and respect and he has not shown her that by getting back with her. Raizel I think that Storm is very much in an anger phase and I totally get that. I am very sorry for your situation though. I understand what you are trying to say and I get it. But this situation is different I think. This man has played her, quite deliberately by the looks of it. It sounds to me like he was disingenuous in his attempts to try again and whatever his reasons for that, he has played with her heart and her head and left her very angry and upset. She has every right to have these emotions because of his behaviour towards her, not because of his past, which her original thread showed great sympathy for. It is always sad when somebody loses a partner, of course it is, devastating, but that does not give anyone the right to treat others in the callous way that he has treated Storm.

Sorry, this last page has got really confusing. Are people talking about Heartbroken2's ex or Stormtreader now?

I thought Raizer was talking about Heartbroken's ex, and his comments made sense (and so what if he is a male!! A lot of men have good advice just as a lot of women don't!).

Storm your ex sounds truly awful, and you will be bloody glad he's not in your life one day when you look back. I wouldn't defend your ex one bit, but Heartbroken's ex sounds different and it's not so black and white..

But there are too many posts on here about being between 35-40 and not attractive, so you're not goi to meet anyone else. What rot! I'm in my late 40s, I've had friends meet people at all ages, and half of them aren't supermodels. Nor or the blokes either. Don't write yourselves off. Yes there are shallow blokes that just want younger models, but there are a lot of good, real guys out there too.

I posted under Heartbroken2 originally, it is all the same person.

Oh right, how confusing! I didn't even notice the previous posts were old, my reply was to the original posts. Perhaps other people's were too?

Ok,cell from your further posts, he is horrible. Don't waste a moment over him, get out and live your life. Don't have anything more to do with him, you know 100% what he's like now. He doesn't care enough, that's all you need to know. Block and move on, no texts from him, don't let him have any more of your time or attention, tell him you don't want to be his friend, don't care if he had been thinking of you, you just want to move on without him.

Thank you honey, I think I need to hear that as much as possible right now, I still miss him so much

Keep yourself busy Storm. This is the first Friday I've been home on my own in almost a year. I feel bereft if I'm honest but I'm finding things to do to keep me busy 😪