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Original poster

Financial Pressure from Ex - Should I Pay?

36 replies

ChangChang · 30/05/2017 03:18

Left XDP a month ago, after many years of (I feel) EA. Together 13 years, 3DC. All the time we've been together, he has had me pay in the majority of my salary into his account (not joint) each month, with him paying for things on his (not joint) credit card. House, savings, both cars, my mobile phone, everything in his name. Knew I had to leave for some time before I left, and didn't transfer my salary the month before and have since been paid again. XDP is livid, and insists that I should "pay him what I owe". He has threatened to take the car I'm driving (old, not of much value, he got the nice one), and doesn't agree that I have immediate costs around looking after the DC. He believes my parents should be paying for us to live with them because they didn't make me go back and talk things through with him before I left. For the past few days he has been telling our oldest that he can't afford anything because I haven't paid him, and has been telling me how he has no money. I know for a fact that he has around £10K sat in the bank in savings that I've contributed to over the years - am I right to stand my ground on this, or should I pay? Sorry, longer post than intended!

OP posts:
Beachhairdontcare · 30/05/2017 22:16

How fucking DARE he say that to your children! This makes me absolutely livid on your behalf. You are absolutely doing the right thing by walking away from this pathetic excuse of a man.

cestlavielife · 30/05/2017 23:44

Dont pay him a
penny.
Drive car to his and leave it there post keys thru letter no.
All.in his name all.his responsibility.
You owe him nothing legally.
Walk away.
Let him Sell.cars house etc to raise cash. Up.to him. Leave him to.it.
You can buy new cheap.car e.g. dacia on a finance deal.if you need a car daily. Or a second hand one.

Just explain calmly to dc that you need your salary to feed and clothe them and can no longer give him money. I am.sure they can work.out is up to.him to get a job.

rollonthesummer · 30/05/2017 23:53

Can he afford to pay the mortgage and bills without you? He sounds utterly awful, well done for leaving!

NaiceBiscuits · 30/05/2017 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/05/2017 00:56

'we won't be doing much as mummy has all my money'.

This just makes him an even bigger arsehole. The kids will eventually work it all out for themselves.

Don't pay him another penny! If you can afford to buy yourself a cheap runaround then do so. Take the other car back. Remove that issue and at the same time leave him with the bother of scrapping/selling/sorning it. You're not married so it's easier to just walk away. And phone cms first thing!

cestlavielife · 31/05/2017 12:55

Trying to get money from the house if not in joint or your name would be long and drawn out legal case proving your beneficial.interest e.g. you put 20k in and this is proven so cost it up first. It might not be worth it.
Easier to walk away. His name on mortgage his problem .
You 've been a lodger in a way and it would take a lengthy court case to prove otherwise.

43percentburnt · 31/05/2017 20:13

Expect him to become an arsehole about having the children whilst you are working.

Get your cms claim in, so you have spare money and get a serious childcare back up plan in place.

His comment to your child about mummy having his money makes it sound like he may be boringly predictable.

43percentburnt · 31/05/2017 20:15

If the car becomes an issue (remember the registered keeper is not always the owner of the vehicle) so do your research first. Give it back to him. An untaxed, uninsured vehicle shouldn't be left on the road outside his house at 9am in the morning whilst he is at work until 5pm.

You hold lots of cards here, you just don't realise it yet.

Allthebestnamesareused · 31/05/2017 20:21

Well he kept it all in his name to control you but failed because you are not married so you can walk away from him and his house and have no financial responsibility towards it.

However as others have said. He should be paying maintenance for his children and I suggest you claim through CMS asap!

Neverknowing · 02/06/2017 23:49

How are you op?

SandyY2K · 03/06/2017 00:18

This is one of those times you thank your lucky stars you aren't married to him, or you probably would have to pay him something.

At the moment you don't owe him anything. You contributed towards a mortgage to a house you don't own... But that's in the past. He can stand on his own two feet.

I have little respect for a man who expects an ex partner to support him for while she is raising the DC

He's in cloud cukooland. Don't give him a single penny.

Is he not even ashamed to be saying that to your children? Is he expecting you to continue contributing towards his living expenses forever?

No wonder you left him. Well done m

I don't follow his logic at all.

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