Why do men have to be txxxt's?

[Rainbowglow]

Just on for a rant. I am separated from DH. Recently dipped toe in dating water. Met a man who is divorced with kids. To be honest he was not my usual type in terms of appearance but I enjoyed his company. Been seeing each other for 5 weeks (so v early days). I was clear upfront that whilst I did not want anything serious I did want something respectful and did not want to be messed about. He agreed he wanted the same. Both grown ups in theory. So this weekend after a really good date he went "quiet" and I got the dreaded text saying he had met someone else over the weekend and would be going on a date with her. He went on that I am amazing but she is properly single blah blah blah so it will be a normal relationship. FFS. Oh and he would not want to see us both at the same time. As if!! I think what pissed me off the most was the text. Surely a call was the kind and respectful thing to do. I am ashamed (not ashamed) to say I sent a few texts telling him what a charmless git he is. Anyway...he has predictably "re written our short history" and claims he was always upfront and I am a twisted nutter. Agggghhh. Rant over!

Yes he was targeting married women for no strings sex and you think he owes you an explanation, fgs, he's a creep and you are well rid.

Nah, josuk - the idea of someone targeting women who presumably have a blissfully unaware husband.. it's not about the two of them being consenting adults, it's about the potential fallout ruining lives for innocent people - husbands and kids. That's the reprehensible bit..

His recent behaviour in this case isn't actually that bad, he seems to have been up front about it, although dating someone else while being in a supposedly exclusive thing with the OP - that's not great.

But I think the OP overreacted, given that this thing had only been going on for 5 weeks..

Because parents raise them to be twats.
We are a product of our parents and it's our job to socialise them.
Obviously, twatty men haven't been brought up properly.
Look at the threads on here where surprise surprise along with a twatty man comes a twatty mother, it's usually the poor wife/ dil who has to put up with the shit.

I feel sorry for you if you believe that gilly. Very very often we have no control over how our offspring turn out

Bunt - what i didn't like in the 'targeting' married women comment is the suggestion that those women were the victims somehow.

He can sleep with whoever he wants.
Married women he slept with made their OWN choices.
He, this man, is not responsible for guarding THEIR morals.

I think it's a shitty thing to do, to choose to target women (who can make their own choices) where innocent parties will probably end up hurt, rather than single women where the only potentially injured parties are the ones responsible for the decisions.

It's unpleasant behaviour.

'Targeting' implies a stronger party somehow cajoling a weaker party into something.

There are married women who want to have no-strings sex. For whatever reasons they are doing it - it's their choices.

He didn't want commitment. Single women eventually would like commitment. So - from his vantage point - willing married women made more sense.
He didn't target, didn't corrupt anyone. He was just doing what he needed to do for himself. His life.

What do we know about him and his circumstances? Yet, judging we do. So easily.

If you said he'd been using Tinder before. I'd still say - his life, his choices. But from health point of view - i'd say - be careful.

Text is how it's done these days. Whether that's a good or a bad think I don't know. Personally I prefer it. I think people who fasten on that are probably looking for an excuse to vent their anger at being rejected. He hasn't done anything wrong but it's never nice to be dumped.

No, Josuk - targeting implies choosing someone to aim for, as opposed to another person. It doesn't imply relative vulnerability.

And it's selfish, I think, to only choose to target those women where a third party - the husband and/or kids - will be hurt by his success.

I don't think he treated the OP particularly badly in this case, but I think historically he's chosen a course where innocent people will get hurt