What do you make of this message

[FourSticks]

Ive been seeing someone for a few months in a long distance relationship. He seems to have a lot of female friends and friends who are exs..I went down to see him last week and he saud I could use his ipad to send a message to a mutual friend of ours..he told me hed invited a female friend to stay for the weekend which I was really unhappy about..hes known her on and off for a few years.while I was on messenger a message popped up from her which I couldnt resist reading..it seemed she was cancelling the weekend due to other commitments but invited him to go and stay for a week saying..Ive got a swimming pool and a hot tub ! I felt sick..so scrolled back and saw that they had been messaging on and off for the last few months and in one message theyd arranged a golf weekend back in Feb..which she then cancelled..interestingly it fitted with him then inviting me down for the weekend.
Last week he had sent her a message saying..
I had to ask.you called me up for a night out of the blue many months ago which was great and from your perspective a release.
I hope it wasnt a mistake ?! That aside I absolutely love your company and your company would be very much appreciated right now if only very platonic.
She replied..of course it wasnt a mistake the problem is that you live so far away.
He had replied that it was only 2.5 hours and the following few messages were them arranging her coming to stay..
I challenged him and he accused me of being paranoid saying he slept with her years ago and was just checking that she wasnt put off coming to visit him...hes now arranged a visit up to where he used to live..where she also lives and is claiming its to catch up with old friends...hes pulling my plonker isnt he ?

Aww STICKS, I'm sorry. However, you do need to end it now, it won't get any better, as it appears he's been pursuing this woman, for some time.
You will get over it fairly quickly, when you stand back and see the bigger picture.
You sound lovely, but don't be someone's second choice, when you can be someone else's No.1 ! 🌸

I agree with the others in that you need to pull yourself out of this and move on. Your feelings ran away from you, they tend to do that when we lose control.

However - MN is always very quick to crucify the man.
He was getting out of a 'nasty relationship', as you said.
He told you he was not ready for a real relationship.
Needs to clear his head then, and all that.

We, women, sometimes see and hear what we want to see and hear.
He was hurting, and you were his rebound - and it's not like men are the only ones who do that.
Women do rebunds too.

When he said he needed time - you wanted to hear - 'until i committed to you'
But, what he meant - was he needed time. Period.
Untill it feels right with someone. You, or someone else.

Sorry!!!!

In fairness to him he's not really lied to you but this isn't how I'd want to live my life so I'd dump him.

Josuk...Yes I get you..problem was..he would constantly tell me that I was the woman for him and that he needed to sort out all the fall out from the past relationship..they hadnt loved each other for a while but he was left with huge business debts from their joint business which has resulted in him going bankrupt..he ended up living in his parents flat and drinks heavily..hardly a prospect I know..but he kept saying he felt that he didnt have anything to offer me and wanted to wait until he could...uughh

Oh dear. So sorry, OP. Fact is, none of us know what he's doing or thinking, but you're obviously not happy and that's the point here. I think you've given him long enough now. Don't waste another moment. Time to call it a day.

For the future: when a man tells you he isn't ready for a full blown relationship, you need to believe him. Still living with his parents, drinking heavily and liaising with other women, are other ways he has been telling you this.

I know..I knew it really..sadly I just listened to him when he would sit thete and turn on the crocodile tears saying how much he loved me and he just wanted me to be payient while he sorted himself out..more like while he slept around..sigh

Thanks for all the advice..Im not even going to bother contacting him..Im just going to walk away..I doubt he will notice

Good for you FourSticks: he was NOT a catch! Onwards and upwards!

🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫

Thanks! I know he isnt really..but you cant help who you fall for I guess never mind..Im sure new woman will get to see his less desirable side

You are well rid hard though that is. Wondering if photographer woman is in the far south west

i bet he'll be back and try to play the victim. urgh. stay strong OP.

Queenofthedrivensnow

Nope she isnt Do I know you in RL ?

Foursticks - I don't think you know me it was the ow description that rang bells

Ah ok..no shes not in The South West

I'd just let him know you're ending it, as it's become clear you aren't on the same page.... But I like to close things off and move on, without waiting for a phone call.

It finalises things and I'd also end the friendship.

QueenofTheDrivenSnow I was a bit worried id outed myself..Id hate people in RL to see what an utter muppet Ive been

SandyY2K yep We cant possibly be friends..

Dancing Goose ..I seriously hope he doesnt think he can come crawling back when it all goes tits up with her

Don't be too hard on yourself OP.

I am being hard on myself because I believed all his drivel ..all his bullshit

Oh bless. You believed him because you have a heart.

So sorry....
People do that. They crave love, being loved, loving.
Especially coming our of bad relationships.
He was telling you, wasn't convincing himself, was wishing he was feeling all those things he was muttering to you.
Creating a fairy tale around himself and you.
It's classic rebound.
And it does work, sometimes it does work.

Good luck!!!

Just do what you gotta do and set his boat loose. You have no need for him anymore.