Good Morning everyone,
I have just joined mumsnet and I am looking for some advise, about 18 months ago my 20 year old daughter started talking to someone online from America, I said ok and she told me about him, but as the weeks went by she became distant and said he was travelling over to see her, but as she still lives at home we had to put him up for 2 weeks, I of course felt uncomfortable about having a stranger in my home, after agreeing he came, my husband and I gave him a huge welcome cake, banner, food, and lots of conversation, but he barely spoke for the whole 2 weeks, he just lay on the couch with both of them expecting me to cook and clean and just generally become a slave even when I cooked and cleaned and served dinners he would just sit there and if asked him what he wanted he would just stay quiet, a few times I would receive texts if they were both out and daughter would say ' I hope dinner is ready as we are hungry' and then when he got home he would just leave his food and just lie on the couch, he would follow her everywhere and even enquire about her letters she received in the post. Apparently he has thousands in the bank and keeps telling daughter this, well if he has thousands then why didn't he buy himself some new shoes and bits to travel to his so called girlfriends house, I thought he would want to make an impression on the parents, not make me bad towards him and my daughter, I did have words much to my daughters dismay, my husband was getting so fed up at this point coming home from work and having to contend with me and all of this, daughter made me apologise to him and rather than him say sorry back he would say ' well I am not liking my room', what wasn't to like, fresh towels a new put up bed and new curtains and a shower just off his room, he treated that room like a hostel, socks and food wrappers everywhere, I made the bed for a couple of times but just thought what was the point. he didn't do anything, he arrived with the tatty shoes with holes in and trousers he was wearing, just odd socks in his travel bag, did he expect to wear the same shirt for 2 weeks, he slept in his clothes that he wore when they went out for the day, he didn't shower and has terrible body odour, my daughter is a very clean and well dressed young woman so having to see this was just too much, she hates when things are dirty I rode out the 2 weeks with such frustration, I know this was a mistake and that myself and my husband did everything we could for our daughter, now our relationship is under fire as apparently we weren't meant to have words with him, how can she be this cruel when she had known him for such a short time, surely she could see the way this boy was treating the household, when I have family over or go to visit friends I am always polite and realise their home should be treated with respect. Daughter got her self a job and bought a ticket to see him, I am quite worried and the amount of arguing this has caused, we were once a really great little family and I really want my daughter to have a boyfriend someone she can be with who will treat her with respect, I said to her there must be someone here who is nice and she says no there isn't, she is constantly on the phone telling him about her dad and I telling him if we argue with her, she goes next week, what will he be like out in his own territory, I am worried sick and have explained to my daughter about how I feel but she expects me to help her pack all her things for this trip and shouts at me and can't understand why I don't like him, she has bought so many new clothes and new things for the trip, she got her hair dyed and cut and even bought gifts, my husband and I got none of that, I feel I have done something so wrong to her, sometimes I want to leave my home and just not have to deal with it anymore, I am at my wits end and feel so alone in this, will she be ok in America, I know nothing about him or his family, daughter said I am treating her like a five year old and I should just leave her be....