My fiancé is in love with his ex

[user1465412577]

My fiancé and I have been together for two years now, and last night he broke down crying and told me he is in love with his ex. I honestly don't know what to do, I love him so much but he was with her for 3 years and although he said he wants to stay with me, he can't get her out of his head. I just don't know what to do, should I leave him?

Sorry OP. You definitely need to leave. Surely you don't want to marry him now he has told you this?

He wants to break up with you but wants you to do it so he doesn't have to be the bad guy. Or he's playing some really fucked up mind games "I choose you...."

Either way....get out now.

Of course you can't marry this man. I think you do need to leave him.

I'd leave him today but organise a day together to catch up and talk things through in a months time. That way you can have some closure if needed and he's had time to reflect.

This won't end well - even if tomorrow or next month or in six months he says he's changed his mind, that it's you he loves really, you'll always be wondering. You'll never have that reassurance and confidence in his commitment, and that's no way to live.

He's a drama queen. He imagines himself the great romantic, the hero of his own story. I have a friend just like him. Run a fking mile.

^ This with bells on. CookieMonster hit the nail on the head.

Absolutely, as mudcity and cookiemonster said, count yourself lucky you found out before you got married and ruuuunnnnnn, now, while you are (mostly) unscathed. Do not let this excuse-for-a-person do this to you. There is someone way, way nicer out there for you. Living a great life , from now on, is the right way forward for him

And if you are so lost in the so called romance of his drama and story, and don't want to believe me, ask yourself. If this were your sister, or daughter, what would you be telling them?

Why did they split up? If he loved her so much, clearly either she wasn't that in to him or he made a monumental fuck up. Either way that relationship is OVER and him still clinging to it shows that he is not a healthy individual.

I'd tell him you want space and he needs counselling. If, after a few months, he can see just how stupid he's been and why, you can have a rethink. But don't marry him until you've put a lot of clear water between you first.

Listen to what he's saying.

You deserve better than that. He does sound a tool for rushing in & getting engaged so quickly, knowing full well you were a rebound girlfriend

You deserve to be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them. Only you. Look at it this way, if that ex suddenly came back in the picture and wanted another chance with him, do you honestly think he wouldn't leave you and get back with her? You can't spend your life wondering when he's going to leave and you can't start a marriage like this. Leave now and save yourself a lot of heartache in the future. Good luck x

Prince Charles abd Diana.

Run for the hills.

Don't settle for this. You will end up hearing that he loves you "like a sister" which will put a damper on your sex life (because he is dtd with her).
Or that gem: I love you but I'm not in love with you.
He must think very highly of himself to believe that you will just roll over after this emotional smack down.

What an insult. That is him breaking up with you. The martyr comment of being with you anyway isn't much of a compliment either, is it?
Nothing can fix this, imho. It is just administrative tasks to set up single at this point.

Don't let him waffle and flip flop - there would be no end to that yo yo dynamic. You are the one to make the executive decision- made for yourself- not to do with him anymore.

What a twat! No, you deserve so much more than this! Yep, give him his marching orders.

Yes. You should leave him.

I am very sorry you are in this situation. Like the others I think you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make him love you and knowing what you know will eat you up if you keep seeing him. Very sad but you can turn this around. X.

He sounds like a drama king. It's normal to think of/be a bit nosy about ex's

and of course break-ups take a while to get over

And there are rebound flings/dates- sometimes which are quite negative to the other party - I've been that idiot talking about my ex and that person sitting listening whilst someone else talks about their ex.

but the ability to get TWO years in a serious relationship whilst sulking inside like some horny, maudlin teenager? It's the mind games he's playing with himself that are the warning sign here. You'll get dragged in if you don't end it soon.

I'd also recommend a Grey Rock break up. Keep it as banal and boring and pragmatic as you can. This type has narcissistic tendencies - he wants you thinking about and engaging in his emotional car crash and analysing him and "fighting" for him. But you also feel something isn't right and yeah you've got that time consuming new hobby etc etc etc

Please leave him and find someone who knows how to treat you right.

If he thinks staying with you any longer will at some point change his feelings towards her and he will some how just fall in love with you, then he's wrong. He's clearly been using you which isn't fair.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

He's not the man for you, OP. At the very least if you feel you can't walk away, please end the engagement. Do not walk into marriage with this guy.