Husband left after 11 years and 2 kids, so lost and broken

[user1495964242]

Where to start? My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and him 16. This is our 11th year together. We married when I was 18 (am now 25) and we have a 7 and 5 year old together.
All was great I thought up until 3/4 weeks ago. He told me he didn't think he loved me anymore and was unhappy with me so he left for a few nights to get some space and see how he felt. He said he didn't miss me and thought we should split. I screamed cried begged him to reconsider and try, promising id do anything and everytjing to make him stay but he refused. During this time he met a female customer he started talking to as a friend and telling about our problem, I said to him to stop as it wasn't helping the situation but he said he needed a friend and she was suddenly it. She had issues with her ex and they 'helped' each other out.
Fast forward and he tells me he has developed feelings for her and he is happy when he's with her so they are taking things 'slowly and not rushing into a relationship, tho he talks to her daily and I found out he spent alot of days/nights at her house since he left.. She has issues with her ex's, an eating disorder and on meds, she also has a 7 year old and a 9month old..
I really fail to see how that is making him happy?? I've been loyal faithful and caring to him since day one.

He constantly tells me to just accept it and move on, so I saw a solicitor about the house/divorce, and told him we needed to talk about it. When I did that he told me he now didn't know what he wanted and it had hit home when I accepted it (I hadn't but had to try and get some sort of control in the situation) that night he said all this he stayed over slept in our bed and stupidly we ended up having sex, the next morning he said he needed to clear his head and get back to me. I really thought and hoped this would be the part he'd come back and we'd work it out but he called the next day and said he's thought it through and we need to go ahead with the split and divorce, as he is happier with this other woman. I'm back to square one with my feelings, so hurt/rejected broken..
I hate this woman with all my heart. To make matters worse, bearing in mind this is all still in a 3 week period he has taken the kids today to the beach for the day with her and her children playing happy families. It's tearing me apart.
He says he's been unhappy for a few years but I really don't see it, he has only changed since this woman has came along and I know if she wasn't involved he'd be here with us. All I've known all my life is him and i feel so alone and scared without him despite how deeply he's hurt me and knowing I've been replaced instantly and I'm left alone.. how can I say goodbye to this massive part of my life? I've never felt a pain like this I truly believed we'd be together forever :(

They're so predictable. Fancy trying something new, decide you're having a rough patch and use that excuse to run off and shag someone else. You take him back if/when he gets bored (if it's not as exciting and carefree as he thought) and he'll just repeat next time he feels bogged down by real life.

Sorry but he was definitely having a relationship with her before he split from you; they always have that done and dusted before they tell you the bad news; albeit online, he was for sure.

He's a cruel and nasty bastard OP and does not have your back anymore; sleeping with him will make no difference apart from make you feel shit so that has to stop.

Get angry, he has treated you appallingly and still is, only you can stop this; do not be sitting on the side waiting on him to come back to you, he's no fucken prize if he's already cheated on you.

Thanks again all for replies.. update if last night - Awful!
He brought them home after their day out while I was at work and waited as he usually would for me to come home but he called halfway through work (10.30pm) to say he thought he'd left his wallet there and needed to go and check so was taking the kids back there and letting me know incase he wasn't back by midnight when I finish.. I get home 12.15 and they're not back so I call and say where are you, he says he's still there looking for it so i say bring my children back to me now please and he agrees. Seconds after he texts saying they've fell asleep and to let them sleep there at her house! I had to continually call and txt to eventually get him to give me the address so I could collect them and get them home with me, I was minutes away from having to call the police and say he wouldn't give them back! I was a state, he then admitted during angry phone calls after they are now in a relationship and he'll be living there so the kids will be staying there sooner or later and on the way home my daughter told me how he kissed her in front of them during the day and my daughter questioned him and he said I love her so I'll kiss her, I want nothing to do with him ever again but his behaviour is ridiculous and I'm the bad one apparently.

So you first detected a change in your marriage 3/4 weeks ago, and already he loves her and is living with her?

Believe me I know what you're going through is no joke, but that's hilarious and has car crash written all over it.

You're worth more and so are your kids. Let his hateful behaviour excoriate you of any residual affection and move on with dignity.

Sadly you may have to come to terms with your dc meeting her or staying at her house, which is just awful for you but please do not give him or her the satisfaction of seeing your pain. Use that time for yourself and know that having your dc with them will be putting its own additional strain on their relationship.

That's correct, all was well until 4 weeks ago as far as i knew when he said all this about being unhappy etc, he's been speaking to her about 1 month at this point..

It really has helped me see i don't need or want this sort of person in my life but I also really don't want this to work out for him and it's comforting to read you say his new relationship has car crash written over it, do we really think it will crash and burn?
I really hate and resent this woman and handing my kids over to him and her at her house really grinds on me but I know I'll have to do my best to contain it, I know he's done this but she too has completely stolen my life and now wants to mother my children when every instinct in me is to not let her anywhere near them (though I know I can't do that) x

Nobody can guarantee that they won't work out, but it's hardly an auspicious start for them.

They're loved up now because affairs and secrecy are exciting, and because they're united against the world, and because it's early days.

But soon enough he'll be watching her cleaning the toilet, or being asked to put the bins out, and he'll realise he gave up his whole life for something pretty humdrum.

Then add in the disapproval of friends and family, having to lie forevermore about how their relationship started, a bitter ex wife, little kids and the knowledge that he is capable of cheating.

He's rushed headlong into something with someone he barely knows. Your job is to look like you don't care and she's welcome to him. Best way to give him second thoughts and to irritate her imo.

I definatly agree with you, especially given how in his own words the other day how 'torn and conflicted he is about what to do. I really get the feeling he's got tunnel vision on his life with her and is steaming along almost with his eyes closed and hoping for the best but insisting on involving the children immediately..
He has 100% changed as a person since speaking to her and for the worse, I don't think that part about disapproval of friends or family mean anything to him as he has so carefully told the story as we had problems, he is unhappy, he left, liked her, they became an item I think even he believes it as this way he's convinced himself when there is way more layers to it than that.. he sought advice from a guidance councillor, friend and his father around a week after he left who all told him I was his rock and the one who is always behind him, and he was being stupid for lack of other words and to come back and try again but all fell on deaf ears and the more he was told to come back the more he rebelled to her :/