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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could DSD have been abused? *Trigger waning*

41 replies

Narabala · 27/05/2017 22:39

DH is in the midst of a custody battle for his DD. It turns out her mothers boyfriend had a long criminal record and history of domestic violence. She often left this man alone with her DD and photos of him and DSD in her underwear have emerged.

My step DD is 3. SS have been involved re the DV. Apparently he isn't allowed around his own children as has refused a risk assessment.

I've been remembering times when she would scream out that her foo foo was hurting, it happened often and she seemed in acute pain. When asked if we could see if anything was wrong she'd bend into positions I wouldn't expect if a 3 year old. Sorry. I'm not sure how else to put that.

She would also try to squirt things up there in the bath.

I don't know if I'm massively overreacting but under the circumstances I'm genuinely worried.

OP posts:
MrsDc7 · 27/05/2017 22:41

You need to report your concerns... is this man still around her? If he is, you need to do it now

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/05/2017 22:42

Report. . The poor girl. .

Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 22:43

No, he's definitely not. Ss told the mother her child would be taken away if he was still around her.

I haven't said anything to DH as he's absolutely beside himself with the whole situation already.

OP posts:
Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 22:44

I was worried I might be reading too much into it. I just wanted to get the general consensus on here.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/05/2017 22:47

If ss /police have been short of evidence then every snippet of info could be vital. . Don't be worried you are time wasting.

Dh must be in bits. .

PhDPepper · 27/05/2017 22:50

You need to report this asap

Missingthepoint · 27/05/2017 22:51

I think you need to report this. What you have described is worrying. How would you feel if you said nothing now and in a few years time it came out somehow that your suspicions had been justified. Your DH may be upset now but how would he feel if he felt you'd been this concerned but said nothing?

Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 22:51

Well the worry was his history of DV rather than sexual abuse. I have no idea if the two go hand in hand..?

Yes he's devastated. I really don't want to bring this up with him unnecessarily it's a pretty serious allegation.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/05/2017 23:00

Report your concerns to ss they need to know. That's devastating I'm so sorry op and your dh

Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 23:02

Should I talk to DH about my concerns? We've just had a massive row. I had been planning to bring it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 23:03

I will contact SS but I feel I should talk to DH first....

OP posts:
Goodg · 27/05/2017 23:06

I haven't got anything I can say to really help. But you can report concerns to SS anonymously.
Unmumsnetty Hugs
Flowers

Purplepinkstone · 27/05/2017 23:10

My childs father has convictions for DV against me and he was investigated by ss shortly after my baby was born, I had already chucked him out by then but what I was told by, as you said, is that they would be concerned about his DV convictions and bad temper in future but men who commit DV also often abuse children too so I don't think raising your concerns is inappropriate. You will be taken seriously OP. Let's hope it's nothing but you are right to be concerned.

AndNowItIsSeven · 27/05/2017 23:10

Was she not examined by a doctor when she told you she was in pain?

Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 23:11

Thanks guys. Are there any social workers on here who might be able to advise what will happen?

OP posts:
Original poster
Narabala · 27/05/2017 23:13

She seemed ok after a short while, it wasn't persistant otherwise of course we would have taken her to the doctors.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 27/05/2017 23:21

I'm sorry to hear you're arguing. It must be so tough on both of you Sad

I agree wholeheartedly with pp's- you need to report this. Urgently.

Unfortunately I think you need to approach this with dh very, very gently. I wonder if it would be worth seeking the advice of somewhere like the NSPCC about how to broach the subject? Or perhaps the police could offer some advice?

AndNowItIsSeven · 28/05/2017 00:19

Narabala wasn't criticising you wondered if adoctor had seen her their opinion would have been useful. So sorry this is happening.

debbs77 · 28/05/2017 00:38

Gosh. That's awful. I would go straight to ss and tell dh after x

user1486956786 · 28/05/2017 03:36

Speak to DH then SS. Don't go behind his back

Crashbangwhatausername · 28/05/2017 03:41

Yes, you need to report this asap, I'm so sorry

OculusReparo · 28/05/2017 03:50

OP, I'm sorry to hear what you're all going through 💐 Please do speak to your DH and share your concerns with the relevant authorities as soon as possible so that at least your DSD can get the help she desperately needs. And I think you should still take DSD to the doctors. If she has been sexually abused then the GP would know best what the next steps in regards to treatment for the physical and psychological trauma.

SparklyMagpie · 28/05/2017 09:38

Oh goodness,poor girl :(

Yes speak to your DH first and then call SS

user1488270932 · 28/05/2017 11:18

Report it. I think dh needs to know aswell. The poor wee woman!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 28/05/2017 11:39

Sw here

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