I am pointless and worthless

[Sickofthisalready]

Just that really.

I have posted recently about my ex leaving me and DS for someone else. I have realised that every single relationship Ive been in has been ended by the other person (who usually cheats on me).

There is just nothing to me. I work, sleep and look after DS. I have very few friends and no interests or hobbies. I dont even watch TV other than one programme. I am just a pointless human being.

With every relationship ive had I throw myself into it, and give my everything to the other person thinking this is the right thing to do. I have totally lost any identity I had, and my life just revolves around my partner at the time.

I now feel immense guilt that I have bought a child into the world, and because of the way I am his father has left us. I do not want my son to grow up like me.

I cant seem to get over my ex, and I think the fact he is the complete opposite to me is making it harder. He is outgoing, has hundreds of friends, is always busy and is confident. He consumes my thoughts 24/7.

If someone tries to talk to me, my first reaction is to wonder why on earth they would bother with me. If anyone looks at me I move as I think they must be looking at someone else and im in the way.

I feel like I need to be in a relationship to validate me, and that im absolutely nothing without a partner. When my relationships end, I struggle ridiculously to get over them often feeling suicidal.

I just dont know why im like this. My parents divorced when I was young and I wonder if thats had anything to do with it.

Dont really know why im posting this, just felt like getting it off my chest.

Gardening gives me a sense of achievement and some kind of calm. Even on really bad days. Weeding and digging can be great stress relievers. Nurturing a garden and seeing the results helps to nurture you.

You aren't worthless. You are just feeling sad.
Keeping pushing yourself out of your comfort zones. Wishing you lots of luck.

How old is DS?
If you can afford it go camping in France this summer, (now if you can have time off and DS is not in school), you have been before and know the basics. If you try to speak French (in France) they will be friendly to you.
No one is 'pointless' but your current circumstances may not get the best from you. Apart from looking after DS you don't have to 'prove' anything to anyone.

I thought it was just further proof of what a loser I am needing help to get over things that other people just deal with and take in their stride. ...
I know I need to start with small changes and stop comparing myself to others.
And stop comparing yourself to imaginary people that only exist in your head :) Where are these other people that just take things in their stride; have you met them? And why compare yourself to them, if they do exist, rather than to people at the other extreme; people drinking themselves to death or living under a bridge? Really, I mean that seriously: think about why you are choosing to compare yourself with perfect people. Why be so hard on yourself?

After my ex's affair and our breakup I was on ADs and had counselling for a while, but it's not something I put on Facebook, exactly. I did tell a few people - and all the people I did tell turned out to have some experience of depression or anxiety, either themselves or their partners. When you look under the stone it's amazing what you find.

Camping in France sounds like an excellent idea, and probably a lot more fun without a partner to make happy, tbh.

I'd also recommend Youtube for makeup videos; there are some people who do regular video posts showing you basic techniques. Easier to try out in the privacy of your own home. I think people tend to assume that however much makeup they wear is the right amount that everyone should be going for, and teach you their techniques rather than helping you find something that suits your personal look.

The first step is learning to be happy outside a relationship. All of your goals are realistic. There are lots of people in a similar boat. Join some groups, integrate with other mums (this can really take off when your little one goes to school) and put yourself out there. Don't even think about dating until you feel happy with yourself.

I'm sorry you're feeling rubbish. I have been there. I would find a hobby that involves other people. Getting out meeting random folk is often more important than doing something you really want to do. So if you like camping try helping with guides or scouts. You can give as much or as little time as you want. That sort of thing. First step is the biggest.

You are not pointless or worthless, you are your DS world. Also from the the things you've written you sound intelligent, selfless and lovely

I can relate to a lot of the thinks you wrote as I feel the same things (throwing myself into relationships fully to the detriment of myself and not liking myself much) and so I wanted to recommend Baggage Reclaim. I read something last week (had a quick look for it and if I find the specific article I'll post it but can't find it at the moment) and it was very helpful. If you google "Baggage Reclaim list of posts" you might find it before me.

I hope you are okay and please don't think that your ex's actions are a reflection on you, it is them. They chose to act disrespectfully. If someone is nasty to you, it is not you but a reflection of themselves.

You sound lovely, and inspired. I bet not every child is lucky enough to be taken to the zoo/beach/park/swimming by their mummy. Dont discredit youself x

Gardening is immensely therapeutic if you like it! Get a couple of raised beds and then you and your dc can grow lots of veggies and fruits! It's one of the most satisfying things, it's all consuming so you'll often find you haven't thought about anything negative whilst you're at it.
And kids love to grow lots of random stuff they like! It's good all round for everyone