*trigger warning* raped(?) and didn't know

[Iamsuchamess]

NC but a regular.

Long story....

Years ago I was in a hideous place in my life. So as not to drag this out for 10 pages, I basically ended up in a situation where I took a lot of drugs and got so drunk I couldn't walk for a few months. There were a couple of people I would regularly meet up and do this with.

Fast forward a fair few years..... I'm now a mother and going through a divorce. Stbexh sends me a video......of me having sex with one of the people i used to associate with.

I dont remember agreeing to this. I don't remember agreeing to being recorded (which I clearly didn't, as in the video I'm telling him to stop recording!)

Anyway....this was a long while ago. I now have a new DP. We seem to be solid. We talk about everytging. I explained what happened.

But having spoken to him about this incident and the fact that I consider it to be rape and 'revenge porn' as he is still sending it to people years later, I've been told that I'm the one that is to blame, as I 'got wasted' and 'didn't remember '.

I'm so hurt. I should not have done what I did back then. I know this.

Drugs and alcohol are not the way to fix a problem.
But I also don't feel like I was to blame wholly.
I was in a vulnerable position. He took advantage. I couldn't have taken my protests any further.

But I still maintain, as much as I take responsibility for my actions, that it was not all my fault!! AIBU?

I often wonder how many of these men have got 'completely wasted' at least once in their lives. I suspect most of them. I then wonder how they would feel if another man had sex with them when they were too drunk to understand or consent. I wonder if they would take responsibility.....

op, I'm sorry to appear to have had relationships with some nasty people. I hope you can find peace.

Take the video to the police and report A and B.

C is a complete dickhead,and I bet my last penny he did this himself,raped a woman who was too out of it to consent,hence his reaction.Dump and run.

report A and B to the police
dump C

Know that its not your fault and move on

It sounds like you've over come so much, so telling C too fuck off wont be hard. Clearly not worth anymore of your precious time.

Please report. What a cuntish thing for both A and B to do. Do not let them get away with this.

A definitely needs to be reported, although if it was long enough ago then the revenge porn law may not have been on the books when he sent it, and therefore invalid. There may be other laws he's broken in terms of taking the video without your consent and, of course, there's the rape element.

B may also not have broken the law if he forwarded it only to you, but then I'm not a lawyer and the police should be able to advise you.

C's a complete tosser and horrific waste of good oxygen.

Changedname, the OP implies that she only received the video recently, therefore the legislation will cover it as the law has been in place since 2015.
OP, I really hope these posts will bring you some measure of comfort. You really do need to report A and B to the police, what they have done is utterly vile and unbelievably malicious. And it is against the law.
I hope that you have people around you to support you. There are also the following:
www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-sexual-assault-and-sexual-harassment
rapecrisis.org.uk/
thesurvivorstrust.org/

Of course it's not your fault. And revenge porn is illegal for a reason.

You've had a lucky escape with C. It's nice when met alert you to the fact they're cunts so you don't waste any time with them.

As for a and b I'd call the police and ask them what they think if the story and the video. That's you're refusing to be taped is not in question.

Call the police hun and get rid of that piece of sh*t boyfriend of yours. It makes my blood boil when people saying "you were asking for it" or " you put yourself in that situation" . Exactly the reason why loads of rape and abuse doesn't get reported. Gotta stop this nonsense!