Felt awkward on date with long term boyfriend!?

[Mashy86]

Hi all,

just wanted to vent something and see if anyone else has ever experienced this? I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we have our ups and downs like any couple ... but in general it is a good relationship.
One thing that I have learnt about myself in it though is that I do feel insecure quite often.. which, I think is a shame. I feel like sometimes I am not smart, or interesting enough for him, even though I know I am smart and interesting deep down... I don't just feel like that with him unfortunately. but he brings it out of me the most as this is my most close relationship.

Recently we spent 8 days apart due to other commitments and met up for a date night, last night. I guess I expected it to be lovely and exciting but the vibe was just not quite right. At times it felt pretty awkward and like we had nothing to say to each other, and I felt that the atmosphere of the evening was not relaxed - my boyfriend rushed us a little through dinner and I felt that it was because he was bored, and it put me on edge a little. We just weren't engaging and I felt awkward.
I did feel like I wasn't interesting or smart enough for him ... or he was not having a fun time with me. To be honest I feel like we both felt awkward and I just dont know why it happened. I don't like it, its a big deal to me even though I am sure it wouldn't be to most people.

I guess I just felt uninteresting and stupid and then didn't have anything else to say to him after that. and he didn't seem to have much to say to me either which only reaffirmed my worries. I am just wondering - after 2 years or so with someone, and then a good week apart doing separate things, what does one do when they end up feeling like that?

thank you!

I feel like sometimes I am not smart, or interesting enough for him, even though I know I am smart and interesting deep down... I don't just feel like that with him unfortunately

What a shame... wouldn't you rather be in a relationship where you both bring out the best qualities in each other?

I think if you consistently feel like you're not clever or interesting enough for someone, granted that this is an internal self esteem issue rather than anything he would think, you're in the wrong relationship.

Maybe he felt awkward as he could sense that you were feeling insecure and he was reflecting your feeling back on to you have that makes sense?
If my other half is a bit "off" one night I can pick up on it straight away and it doesnt exactly make you feel relaxed

We have our ups and downs like any couple

In the absence of something major, I don't think good relationships have many ups and downs in the first two years.

I think it was trying to make too much of something that after two years should be fairly ordinary. You haven't seen each other for a week, jump into bed for a shag, PJs on, bottle of wine and a pizza in front of the telly. By building it up, you felt a bit let down, and neither of you were relaxed.

I don't thinks it's terminal, just one of those things.

thank you for the advice ladies and gents! really appreciate it, will try not to dwell on it (although I have done a bit too long already) and move forward. [embarrassed]

I think we just both felt a bit disconnected and didn't click for whatever reason. I am just a bit more insecure than the average person.

I actually did say to him "it was a bit awkward tonight wasn't it?" and he admitted it too and said "but it is no big deal" I just wanted to get it out there! He also said that he "still had fun with me" so I suppose that should be reassuring that its all fine?