Hi all just looking to vent maybe and get some kicks up the ass. I had a shortlived but intense fling with someone who had previously been my close friend (yes I know). I had strong feelings for him (I still do) and possibly because he never ever shared how he felt about me, and blew intensely hot and (nastily) cold, I forged an unhealthy dependence. I take more or less total responsibility and have done a fair bit of self flagellation over it. And received a fair amount of stick from my mates too, who were horrified at the choice I had made in this guy. For the first time in my life i took total control and executed a plan to slowly go no contact and lessen the unhealthy dependence but with kindness and politeness towards him. I had no choice but to do it that way as we had shared hobbies and friends and at the time I wanted to feel like i could eventually go back to the world we both enjoyed, without bad feeling.
He has not chased me or contacted me and I don't expect him to, I am doing this to heal me and not win him back. I do not obsessively check whatsapp. I've managed 35 days. I feel proud. That said, I have got to the point where I feel so damn petty and rude for effectively ignoring a human being and additionally, absenting myself from a world and other humans who I cared about without explanation - I am naturally a gentle, forgiving and communicative person and so all of this complete silence is something I've never ever done. I've read all the NC stuff, I know NC doesn't work without complete detachment and separation and I still believe that in order to heal I can't have this person in my life for now, perhaps forever. Can someone just kick my ass and tell me I'm doing the right thing. Does it get easier in time? I obsess over what he thinks about it all. The idea he thinks I am being petty or trying to make a statement really bothers me, as I am simply not that kind of person and I think in my saner moments he knows that at least. Of course I doubt he even thinks about it at all. I wish somehow I could tell him what I am doing and why but then that breaks the rules. and it would get me nowhere. Sorry for the ramble. as long as I write it here, at least I am continuing the NC I guess....