Is my marriage over?

[marrieddad42]

My first post and it's for advice.

I have been married to my wife for 10 years with 2 lovely children, but lately I have felt alone, in fact for the past 18 months I have felt like this. I work Monday to Friday 9-5.30, my wife works Tues, Thurs, Fri and Saturday 6pm to 10pm, well she finished at 9 but stays on the clean the take away. We don't have much time together, and when we do we don't really talk,, there is no intimacy and we don't talk much. Before we married she had 2 affairs, one with my brother then another just after having our first child. I forgave her for both.

Im emotionally numb, and honestly never got over the affairs, do I do what what I should of done after the first affair and leave her now? But the kids, they would miss their Daddy :(

Any advice would be appreciated.

She cheated on you with your brother?! Jesus! That is the ultimate betrayal. If my DP so much as even flirted with my sister I'd kick his ass out the door, I'd see it as complete and utter disrespect. It's bad enough to cheat, but never EVER with family members!

If you aren't intimate together and barely talk then you have to leave her. She has treated you terribly and seems to now be being no effort to rectify things and make you happy. You are clearly incompatible and she clearly has issues with monogamy.

Do you want to get to old age and realise that you wasted all the best years of your life with someone who didn't really give a shit about you? I'm sure there's a lovely woman out there who will make you feel brilliant. Don't ever allow someone to treat you badly.

As for your children, I'm sure they'd rather see their dad happy than see him living in a depressing relationship for the rest of his days. Best to leave when they are young than when they are teenagers too. If your partner has an ounce of decency in her body then I'm sure she'll still allow you regular contact to be in their lives as much as possible

Why on earth did you get married?

What a dreadful situation. Why did you go ahead with the marriage?

There is really no point carrying on with the marriage. Unless you want to feel this way forever?

Your children might miss you when they aren't with you, but the times you will spend with them will be so much better without her around. You can set things up so that you have them half the time. And it can be the best kind of quality time, not the kind where you are just sat indoors.

And that would leave you time to get out there and meet a better partner who you actually have a connection with, who loves and respects you. It doesn't have to be this way!

If you stay together you are just going to teach the children that this is what they should look for in a marriage...

How old are the kids?

Children can be very resilient and adapt to change if their surroundings are secure. If they know that you both love them very much and you'll still see them as much as they want to, then your kids aren't an issue.

I agree with PP, I wouldn't have tolerated her cheating the first time, let alone with my own family. You're allowing her to think she can get away with disrespecting you. It doesn't sound like either of you are happy anyway....

Why on earth did you marry a woman who cheated with your brother?

TBH, you staying with her after that is a sure sign she can pretty much do anything. That's a license to do the bare minimum in the relationship and shows you have her on a pedestal, which she needs to be knocked off.

Do you have low self esteem issues?

Of all the 8 billion men out there, she choose your brother and you accepted her extremely poor boundaries.

And of all the billions of women, you stuck with her.... Because????
... And love really doesn't cut it.

Sorry.. I realise I haven't commented on your actual issue with but I'm struggling to get over this point. Never mind the second affair.

Are you sure the children are yours?

'Mummy's baby... Daddy's maybe, '

Thanks for your thoughts.

When I look back and think about the past affairs I wonder why I didn't finish it then, truth is I let people walk over me, always have and looks like I always will. I think a low esteem I only half my problem.

My kids are 11 and 6,

Why did I get married in the first place, I don't know... It's sounds as stupid to me as it does to everyone else, maybe I thought things would be better if we married.

I dont have much to say in the way of advice. But you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. This is not what you're getting right now. Would it be possible to ask her to leave, or could you talk amicably about separating so that you could have equal access to the children.

Really struggling today. He's officially moved out and is talking about how he wants DD 3 nights a week - no exception.

I'm having massive anxiety about this and feel even more like I'm making the wrong choice :(

Shit wrong post sorry