I've got to end this haven't I?

[WildBelle]

I met a guy about 6 weeks ago through online dating. When I first saw him I didn't immediately fancy him loads, but as the date wore on I realised there was lots I did like about him. He's funny, intelligent, got his shit together, kind and just generally a really good bloke.

We've seen each other a fair bit over the last 6 weeks and he hasn't done anything wrong. There's one thing that really annoys me and that's that he makes kissy noises at me whenever I enter the room or he does, and quite a lot just randomly. Probably about 10 times per hour and I realise that this is me being majorly unreasonable but for some reason it drives me nuts. Also, he's just really intense, he's put me on a pedestal and tells me he loves me and I'm his dream girl - I'm a bit of a cold fish when it comes to emotions and it makes me feel uncomfortable because I really don't feel the same way.

But other than that, he really hasn't done anything wrong, he's been so kind and lovely to me. I really wish I was as keen on him as he is on me but I've come to realise I'm just not, and I don't think I ever will be. It just doesn't feel right and I can't really vocalise why. So I need to tell him, but the problem is I don't know how to do that without really hurting him, or what I can say as there's no real reason to end it other than just not feeling right to me. I'm really crap at this, I have ended relationships before but generally there has been an incident which has given me a good reason to do it, which makes it easier.

To add to the mess, there's one event this weekend and one in a month's time which he has got tickets for because we were going to go together, I was going to both events anyway and he's tagging along. Lots of my friends will be at both events who have never met him so now I have the problem of ending it in the next couple of days and him coming to the event still and it being really awkward, or hold on until after the weekend which will mean he'll be meeting lots of my friends as my boyfriend, which seems a bit wrong when I know it can't go on.

Help! How do I let him down gently? And when?

Too much too soon!! 6 weeks in, and he loves you? That would send me running for the hills.

You don't KNOW each other yet.

If it feels wrong, it will never feel right.

Just be gentle - say what you say upthread about wanting him for a friend, but there's no chemistry between you.

And buy his ticket back off him for the social events. Go with your friends!

I do keep telling him he doesn't know me! I can't do anything wrong in his eyes. I am finding it all a bit much and being colder towards him because of that, which I then feel like a bitch about.

I think you're right to dump. That kind of smothering 'you're so perfect' when you barely know someone is really offputting.

I'd be tempted to text and say 'we need to talk, can you meet me at x at 8pm'. 'We need to talk' will probably give him the heads up he's going to be dumped, so he'll probably reply asking if you're breaking up with him. You can then either call him or text and say 'I didn't want to do this via text, but this isn't working out for me'. He may still ask to meet you later to try and convince you to give it another go, but at least you'll have the worst of it out of the way.

He is completely besotted with me, which I know sounds really arrogant but he is

He doesn't know you. He will live if you end it, and he will be back online within the hour.

I could have written your OP 2 years ago - I KNEW he wasn't right for me and wasted 18 months of mine, and his, life Be firm but kind

AhYer - I can't meet him tonight, he's busy and so am I. And he has a super busy day at work tomorrow from 5am until 10pm, so no chance then, then the next day is when the event starts (it's an all weekend thing). This isn't great timing, but I don't think I can carry on kidding myself.

Thanks Smeaton, I know it's big girl pants time, I just hate hurting people's feelings, especially when he's been so kind to me.

TheStoic - I'm not sure he will, he was single for a long time before we met and he's just generally not had that many relationships.

Do it by text now and then have a conversation as well out of courtesy when you can fit it in.

These guys who fall quickly also move on quickly too so don't worry about him being besotted.

You'll have to text him, then, and offer to pay him back the money.

There is never a good time for a conversation like this. Surely you can find ten minutes to make a phone call?

I agree, he will move on. Where's all this guilt coming from??! You hardly know him.

Slight digression - does anyone remember the poster who was going to dump her boyfriend but not till after he finished fitting her kitchen? She was handed her arse as I recall. Personally, I had some sympathy as he sounded really annoying

Waaahaha Morris!

I expect I'll speak to him on the phone later (he calls every night) but just meant meeting up over the next couple of days wasn't going to be possible.

Tbh, I think you're probably overestimating his feelings for you based on his behaviour. The men who do the loved up act within days/weeks of meeting you usually do that with everybody they date. It's how he communicates romantically, it's not because he feels more for you than any of your exes did at that stage. He thinks he's being charming or that's how he's supposed to behave.

I think sending the 'we need to talk' text is ideal. Do it as soon as possible though.

Smeaton love the big girl pants hoiked to camel toe position

Oh god. Ok I will have the chat tonight. I'm dreading it.

Agree with most to end it before the event. It's only 6 weeks - he'll live!

I completely bottled it last night but have sent him a text this morning saying we need to talk and he's probably not going to like what I've got to say. I feel awful about it :(

I just spoke to him. He was thoroughly understanding and lovely, because he is lovely. Probably went as well as it could have done. He still wants to come along to the event this weekend which is fine with me, I think it's all good.

I think you're probably right. There was lots of talk of 'let's see what happens' etc.