Need a rant/hand hold.

[duckyisback]

Just think I needed to get this down, and hopefully get other people's advice on the matter.

Last year I split up from my physically and emotionally abusive husband after being together 10 years.

I had a 1 year old and was 35 weeks pregnant. Because of incidents in the past I took a bag and got my son and just left, leaving me and my son homeless. Luckily family took us in.

Even after leaving he still massively controlled me. I recently found out he was having an affair (I suspected it) and from how it looks, it was going on for quite some time.

When I gave birth he demanded he should be at the birth, I didn't want him there. But I said he could. He told me he didn't want to be the birth partner but has a right to be there when his daughter is born. My labour was very quick, when he got to the hospital I asked him to pass me a drink, he just sat and looked at me not saying anything. When my dd was born, he left almost instantly.

He then massively kicked off (and I gave in) and made me take the children round to the house the day after I got birth, even though I was still in quite a bit of pain. He said if I didn't I was stopping him from seeing his children.

He also on a few occasions has gone off to another city for weekends away and told me when he was already on his way saying I had to go take care of his animals.

One day I had plans with my son, he text me saying he had left the house and I needed to go take care of his animals. I said no, he was then texting constantly, literally one after another until 1am.

I phoned a DA support helpline who advised me to inform the police as it was harassment. I did. They also gave me a DA caseworker for support.

The next time I took the children to a public place to see him he was very aggressive, shouting in my face that I'm a bully for calling the police.

I didn't hear off him at all then for 5 weeks.

I had a text after 5 weeks asking to see the children, I had been advised by the health visitor, police and caseworker to stop all contact. So I ignored the message.

Social services are now involved because there had been police contact.

I received a letter today from his solicitor saying he has contacted me multiple times for contact with the dc and I have stopped it and I am causing them harm in doing so.

I have instructed my solicitor to reply saying he will have to go through the courts for contact.

I'm terrified. I do not feel that if he goes for contact my children will be safe with him.

I don't know what will happen next. But it's so scary.

Hi i dont have any advise sorry but wanted you to know someone has read ypur post. Well done you for getting up and leaving. Your kids will be proud of you for being so strong. What has your solicitor advised.

They very rarely give kids to the men so i wouldnt worry about that. And keep all those messages from him as proof of harassment. Just do whatever the police and your solicitor advises and dont let him in the house if he turns up. Xx

His solicitor isn't qualified to make analysis about what harms your dc!! His fucking client is what's harming his dc!!
Make sure your solicitor gets an injunction to keep him away from you until a judge tells him to fuck off!!

Ignore what he says( easier said than done): he is a bully and a liar. You do not have to any of the thing he or his solicitor says. When someone has got in your head over time like he has, it's hard to stand up to them. Everyone is right in saying you must cut off all contact so he can't keep trying to control you. Other people here will know more to give you better advice but change your phone number and organise that he only contacts you through a solicitor or email address. They will tell you how to do it legally. Good luck.

Thank you for the replies, really does help to know that someone is listening to my ranting!

My solicitor has been pretty useless. I only went with her as she said she could get me on the housing list as I was in a small spare bedroom sharing a bed with ds but she messed that up too. I managed to get private rent in the end but it's a flat with no parking and really difficult with a toddler and a baby. But I can't change it now because I have a bill with her and couldn't afford to pay it off. I can't move until our house is sold which he has put a stop on.

I phoned the police in the past after an incident of him waving knives about, stabbing them into surfaces, telling me he hadn't decided what to do with them yet (our son was asleep upstairs at the time) and smashing up the house and the police didn't log it on their system the officer just laughed at me and said my stbxh would be angrier with him as he had to smash his car windows when he tried to run from the police, so I am in the process of doing a new statement for that.

But I have been told that because I didn't report any of the previous stuff, because I was too scared, it's like it didn't happen. My solicitor said I should get an injunction but he has to have warning first, so she sent him a warning which said the police were involved and that's what made him so angry.