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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Any mums out there who have left there husbands and can give advice?

12 replies

whatshouldido · 08/07/2004 18:56

I am at the point where I have given relationship consuling a try, have worked really hard on my relationship and now I feel that I have no other choice then to leave. I have threatened leaving my husband before and now I feel like I really have to as he just does not understand that I can no longer be a full time mum, take care of the house, bills social obligations et all while he does tennis, golf and cricket. I need some love and support and I am not getting it from him. I am just not sure how I can actually leave. Should I leave, make him leave, get some legal advice?

OP posts:
tammybear · 08/07/2004 19:01

i recommend you go see someone first. find out everything you're entitled to, as it depends on what is in your name and what's in his. when i broke up with exp, i rang CAB and they told me what benefits I would be entitled to and how much I would get. Good luck with everything. xxx

vict17 · 08/07/2004 19:02

Sounds like a tricky situation but as a single mum don't forget you'll still "take care of the house, bills social obligations et all" and maybe have to take a job on top of all that....

tammybear · 08/07/2004 19:27

this may be of help. being a single mum is tough, but you will manage, we all do somehow

Original poster
whatshouldido · 08/07/2004 19:44

obviously i will continue to do what I am doing, but I will no longer have a man who acts like he is my third child. thanks for those links

OP posts:
aloha · 08/07/2004 20:27

If you are really sure your marriage is over, then yes, I'd get some legal advice, and whatever you do, don't move out of the house. It can dramatically weaken your position.

MeanBean · 08/07/2004 20:29

Whatshouldido, are you absolutely 100% sure? You've tried relationship counselling, what effect has that had on him?

If you are absolutely sure, then before you do anything, I would see a proper solicitor with family law experience. It's always better to know what your legal position is before you take any drastic steps, and it won't cost very much.

Original poster
whatshouldido · 09/07/2004 12:36

Our counseling doesn't work. He says the things he is supposed to say during the session, tells the thereapist I am lieing and as soon as we leave it is the same old shit. It all boils down to the fact that he thinks it is his job to work from 6 am to 6 pm, and then he deserves a break. It is my job to work from 6 am until I fall into bed at the end of the night with any break I take I have to feel guilty about AND pay a sitter to have. I had planned a get together with some good friends, and because I texted him at his tennis club to buy some more flour he freaked out on me when I called back to make sure he got the message, he went nuts and ordered me to cancel the party. I had bought a bunch of food, cooked a bunch and then had to call all my friends and cancel because I knew if I didn't he would have been a total b***D and I would have to hide my tears.

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 09/07/2004 12:57

Not been in your position but sorry you are having to go through this. When you first posted I got the impression that your husband was neglectful but not actively difficult, but am changing my views following on from your most recent post. Does he often intimidate you/prevent you spending time with friends or be so difficult that it just isn't worth it? What do you hope to gain from leaving him - is it that you don't want to have to pacify another "child"/that you hope to meet someone who values you more. I definitely think you should get legal advice, and make him leave rather than leave the house yourself.

aloha · 09/07/2004 14:01

He sounds grim. Get legal advice.

redfiasco · 13/07/2004 03:48

My situation was different to yours, my ex husband announced he did`nt want "our life" any more, and said he was leaving me, then changed his mind, and I ended up leaving him. But my advice to you would be to get the best legal advice you can possibly get.
It sounds cold hearted, but if you know its over, theres not much point in going on with it. You sound a lovely person and if your husband is too blind to see this, then his loss.
I know this must be a horrible time for you, knowing your marriage is over is heart breaking.
Take care of yourself.

Chocol8 · 13/07/2004 22:02

He sounds like a t**r and I can understand why you don't want to be with him if that is the sort of stunt he pulls.

This sort of thing used to happen to me and when i'd had enough I told my wh that I didn't love him anymore and didn't want to be in this position in 5 years, 5 months or even 5 minutes more. He left the next morning but luckily the house was in my name. I, like you felt I was looking after 2 babies when I'd only had the one, so totally understand.

I would certainly take the advice given and go to a family solicitor - I wish I had done - life would have been so much easier to know where I stood.

Good luck Whatshouldido - and well done for not putting up with this sh*t anymore. You are worth more. xx

essbee · 13/07/2004 22:17

Message withdrawn

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