I'm all out of ideas of how to LTB

[RockPaperCut]

I see so many threads advising to LTB without mentioning that the hardest part is leaving, especially if said bastard doesn't want you to.

I got my ducks in a row, I am better off than most as I'm working 16 hours, but if anything I'm worse now than I was before. Every penny is monitored, there's only just enough to cover the expenses for the kids and I. Mediation has been an expensive waste of time for me. I'm living with this constant knot in my stomach trying to outsmart the controlling bastard but failing miserably. My CC is maxed out, I'm overdrawn, no flipping landlord will let to me because I need at least 30k income for a fucking tiny £700 pm flat. In 5 weeks the buyers will expect us to be out, he will move in with family temporarily whilst me and the dc have no-where to go. And I mean no where. It's a choice between going cap in hand to my abusive neglectful mother 5 hrs away, whom I haven't seen for 4 years or go to a shelter. I don't even know why I'm posting, I'm just feeling a little deflated today.

I am so sorry, I hope someone comes along soon with more advice & wisdom for you

Could you call a womens refuge near you though - they might be better placed to advise you better?

Go to a shelter. Rebuild from there. You can do this.

You're getting shot of him. This is a good thing.

When you get your own place, don't take him back.

Talk to Shelter and the council.

Will you get money from the sale Rock - is that not your deposit on a flat?

Go to a shelter if needs be; do not go to your abusive mother under
any circumstances. She taught you a lot of damaging lessons about relationships when you were growing up.

Where is your own legal advice here? Who suggested mediation to you in the first place (its never recommended anyway in abuse cases because abuse is about power and control, not a lack of communication).

He does not want you to leave because he likes having you around to control; that is your sole purpose to him. Also if you left he would then have to put effort in into finding another target to pull down with him.

You and he need to be apart today, he is still controlling you and these children by his actions.

Hopefully this will be helpful to you as well:-

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice

Get to the council and explain the situation, no council in the country would see you and your dc on the streets.

You will get there, this is the first step.

I'm so tired of fighting, so fucking tired. I've spoke to the council back in January. I didn't find them particularly helpful. Called WA again this morning and left a message.

We're divorcing so the equity is being held until we've agreed finances and have a consent order. But that's never going to happen is it? He's spent five years controlling me that's not going to stop now, his tactic is to frustrate the process knowing that I have no options available to me. Whilst holding all the savings/investments etc. I've begged, pleaded for him to do the right thing I just don't know how to get through this.

My solicitors have been very passive. I told them in January, that he is unlikely to be reasonable and they adopted a wait and see approach. It clearly hasn't worked, I have a meeting with them a week on Wed.

Have your solicitors applied to court for financial remedy? They can make an interim order.

You are going through the most stressful part, selling,moving and trying to get agreement with an unreasonable ex.
It's a really tough stage but you will get through it and out the other side.
Do you feel your solicitors will be strong enough on your behalf? It's important to feel you have people in your corner.

You've at least gone to CMS for the child maintenance though? If you've legally separated I think you'll be ok to start claiming tax credits etc, even if you're still under the same roof. Are there any short term options that don't need such stringent references, just until you're on your feet? Air BnB or similar? Would any of your friends help you out in the short term? Don't be too proud to ask!

In the longer run, he's surely not going to want keep the assets frozen - presumably the savings are also static until the order is confirmed? If not, can they be so he's got some extra incentive?

I've been asking my solicitors to make an application for an interim order since early April, I just keep getting fobbed off. I've just looked at the forms this afternoon I think I will do it myself! I'm receiving tax credits already but it disappears on legal fees etc. I'll also get onto CMS tomorrow. I hadn't thought I could apply whilst still under the same roof but best to get the application under way before the move.

How do I go about freezing assets? Savings are not static. They're all in his name. I'm basically having to choose between a food shop for the week, paying for mediation or for fuel whilst he goes on thousand pound spending sprees in Liberty.

No has space for the three of us apart from my 'd'm. My bro is just buying a house but won't complete till the end of the summer, until then it will have to be somewhere temporary, everywhere I've looked so far is fully booked what with it being the summer holidays.

Maybe you need different lawyers.

You need new lawyers.

Please speak to women's aid; there is a decent chance that they'll be able to put you in touch with effective representation.