I split up with my Ex husband last January and have been through an absolutely horrendous time. He's continued his relationship with the other woman and I have also had to go through the agony of watching my daughter spend time with her!
Everyone was telling me I would feel better with time but, to me this seemed impossible how could things ever be better!! But, they were absolutely right and probably since about February this year I've felt absolutely amazing. I've got a new lust for life that I haven't had for years and mine and my daughters relationship is better than ever. She is happy and content and we have more fun and laughs than we ever did when her father was living at home. On a personal level I go out more now with friends than ever and I realise now I've much more to offer than just being a wife and mother.
When I used to look at my ex, early post split, I used to feel great sadness and loss at what we used to have. Now when I look at him I just feel pity and revulsion. He's slotted in nicely to the ow's family home, with her children, much to the detriment of his own daughter!
This man, someone I loved for 20 years, is now in my eyes an abusive cheat, a terrible father and a pathetic excuse for a man! I'm fairly sure there's a fair amount of benefit fraud going on in their new set up as well - but if you want to live like that! This man used to have high morals. A man who has not made one thing easy for me - despite the fact that I wasn't the cheat! He's been cruel, narcissistic, physically / mentally abusive and made me suffer as much as he possibly could. What a catch for the other woman!
When this first happened to me I would have given anything to go back and change it! Now I wouldn't for the world. I love my new life and I'm so, so proud of everything I have overcome. While all the while looking after a child and also working full time
I have done this through excellent counselling and the support of brilliant friends and family. I've also maintained minimal contact with my ex husband. He's always picking for a fight but, I give him absolutely nothing at all! In addition to this I have been what my Counsellor terms as the 'reliable pit pony' for my child. Maintaining stability and routine while all this was going on. This is hard to do when your life is crumbling around. But, my god it's worth it in the end! The results speak for themselves- my daughter knows I'm there for her no matter what! While she can rely on her father for a couple of hours each week. My daughter is absolutely amazing and so, so happy
It's bloody hard work but, it's so worth it in the end. It's fine to have a bad day as well its all part of the normal recovery process. If this happens just remember your recovery hasn't gone back to the beginning but, back a few hours that's all.
It scares me to death now when I look back at how mentally unwell I felt with it all. I don't really think I realised the severity of it at the time. But, I know for sure I never want to feel like that again. I know I lengthened this pain and agony by continuing to engage with my husband in pointless arguments.
Don't be too hard on yourself, time definitely does heal!