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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Nagging by ex drives me up the wall!

25 replies

Dramalady52 · 22/05/2017 22:19

Hi, hope someone can advise. Am divorcing and in process of selling the MH. There have been a few hiccups on the way, including the buyer dragging his feet and the person I was buying from pulling out just before exchange but now I am hoping that everything will go through soon. My ex has bought a new house with his partner, but is still paying mortgage on MH.
What is upsetting me is the regular email every week asking for updates on the sale from him.
I know he wants his share, but I am updating when I get information for him which isn't every week, because there isn't info every week.
AIBU in asking him to stop emailing?
The relationship was emotionally abusive and I just want to get shot of him. He will get his money, I'm not a nasty type and it would be an offence to even try and withhold it as the financial order is with the court. Why can't he back off? Is this harrassment?

OP posts:

NewIdeasToday · 22/05/2017 22:21

To be honest it seems perfectly reasonable that he asks for a regular update on the sale.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 22/05/2017 22:21

Block him.

You can send him details by post if you have to, or communicate via the solicitor. There's no reason you have to put up with this.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 22/05/2017 22:22

She's giving him regular updates, New.

Silverdream · 22/05/2017 22:28

I don't think once a week is excessive but if it is too much for you then it is. Could you email him saying either you will contact him as soon as anything happens or perhaps ask him only to contact you through your solicitor if he won't stop emailing for updates.
It's not whether it's too much , I think if he has left his mark on you then you must do what ever makes you feel the least overwhelmed by this. You need to look after your wellbeing.

AlternativeTentacle · 22/05/2017 22:29

tell him the same thing as the last update. when he says 'i know', tell him oh, no change since the last update, you will let him know if anything does change.

Original poster

Dramalady52 · 22/05/2017 23:08

Thank you for your thoughts. I have tried telling him no updates and that I will contact when there is anything, but that doesn't seem to have any effect. :(

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 22/05/2017 23:43

Send him a weekly email, even if it's just to say, 'no new developments this week'.

Cricrichan · 23/05/2017 00:03

No, fuck him. Tell him that you will update him as soon as there's any news and ignore any emails from him if there is no news so he may as well save himself the effort.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 23/05/2017 00:54

Once a week is excessive. He's chasing and pressuring. Presuming you're updating at every development, he's being a controlling shit.

Seriously, just block him. It's so liberating.

VimFuego101 · 23/05/2017 00:57

Do you have children? If not, I would just filter his emails off into a folder and ignore.

Tearsoffrustration · 23/05/2017 07:27

Can you tell him to contact the solicitor for updates?

Tearsoffrustration · 23/05/2017 07:28

Or estate agent

TheNaze73 · 23/05/2017 07:30

Tell him to go direct to the agent.

Can understand his stress & need however, his current methodology really isn't on

AlternativeTentacle · 23/05/2017 07:36

Tell him to go direct to the agent

I personally wouldn't want him fiddling around and pissing anyone else off.

I'd repeat what I had last told him each and every time he asks so that he has to respond with 'I know that' and I could respond with 'so stop hassling me then'.

Longdistance · 23/05/2017 07:36

Just block him. He can stew.

If he wants an update and wants his money he can contact the Estate Agents himself.

CatsDogsandDC · 23/05/2017 07:41

Just respond to his next email by saying i will reply when there is something to say and then ignore all future emails. Having been married to an EA wanker I can tell you he is enjoying this and enjoying the thought of you being upset by his emails. It's part of his control over you.

Remember you don't have to reply to anything he sends you, ever. If possible I'd also close that email altogether and give him a separate one entirely for him or shift everyone but him to a new email. That way you control when (and if) you see his emails.

beingsunny · 23/05/2017 07:52

Maybe just update him every week, he's probably stressing about paying two mortgages.

I'm chasing my ex pretty regularly to pay his lawyer so we can finalise our agreement, it's driving me mental that it's taking so long.

ravenmum · 23/05/2017 09:00

My ex looks to see whether I've cut the hedge as he drives past, then tells the kids I should do it soon.

BLOOOOOCK.

jojo2916 · 23/05/2017 09:34

He's paying the mortgage of course he wants lots of updates

Changedname3456 · 23/05/2017 16:16

I'd just point him to the Agent. Let them earn some of that no-doubt stupidly high commission. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have someone geeing along Agents, Solicitors etc because, FME, if you don't then they'll not bother to push themselves. Just take the pressure off yourself and transfer it to them!

aginghippy · 23/05/2017 16:35

Don't engage. He knows he will get his money and emailing you does nothing to speed up the process. He is just doing it to wind you up.

As pp said, create a rule to send his emails off into a folder and then ignore him.

Hissy · 23/05/2017 17:18

Reply that you update when you have information. No information? No update.

Then ignore him. You know he's doing this to wind you up. Disengage.

SandyY2K · 23/05/2017 19:10

Can you set up an email to go to him weekly.

An automated one, saying nothing to update. Will let you know as soon as I know anything.

Original poster

Dramalady52 · 23/05/2017 19:45

Thanks everyone. Glad to know I'm not being totally unreasonable! That he is paying two mortgages is his own fault, they had a house that she owned and I advised that they not sell that until MH sold. Of course they ignored my advice and went ahead, now he has to pay both. Idiot or what?

OP posts:

aginghippy · 23/05/2017 20:27

As the saying goes, he is your ex for a reason. Forget about him and look forward to a happy future in your new home.

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