How long re; emotional abuse

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

Ok so i was involved with a narcissist (im not using the term loosely here im talking about a full fledged covert narcissistic abuser who ticks every box of a psychopath).
Ive gone nc and have slowly started to rebuild my life over the past few months, mostly i feel fine and i see it for what it was, a big lie, but some days i feel like im taking 2 steps back again. I have days where i feel low in energy low mood and cant stop thinking about the abuse, lies, triangulation, stonewalling, basically every nasty and crafty thing he said and did to demean me and strip me of my self worth.
I really really want to move on and be happy, how long until those of you who've had a similar experience started to feel completely free of the hurt, the shame and the mind f#*k?
I look to the future and i just really dont think i could trust another man, im not interested in moving on with a new partner even though sometimes i feel lonely. I think i feel so stuck because time and again he came back with excuses and regained my trust. Its always in the back of my mind that there will be a knock at the door and it terrifies me. I really hope i never have to see or hear from him again but i need to hear others opinions of how long until you felt you were completely free?

My recent ExP, looking back now, showed a lot of Narc tendencies.
I've been reeled back in before but not this time.
I don't feel like you but have you tried counselling at all?
I would suggest some therapy might help you.

Also have a chat with Womens Aid and ask to do their Freedom Programme. That will help with self-esteem and understanding what you went through and that it's him and not you!
Help you spot red flags in the future and set your relationship boundaries.
Gotta be worth a try if there is one in your area. It's free.

Ive done both, thanks, i feel as though i was fobbed off last time i did therapy, dont think they knew how exactly to help me.
Most days im doing well but i just want to really move past it all now. Anxiety is creeping back in. Luckily ive had no further contact from him and we have no ties so im hoping thats it and i can now move on propperly.

I feel like people who havent experienced this just dont get it, ive moved on much quicker with other 'normal' relationships. Im disgusted with myself for ever getting involved with him and im blaming myself alot today. Just a low day i suppose, and no one to talk to

I was involved with a narc for 2 years - again, not throwing the term around loosely - he is a well known psychologist in his field, and in a more candid moment, he acknowledged himself that he did have a number of narcissistic traits. Eventually I left because I just couldn't cope anymore. I'm indeed the field myself, and KNEW I was being gaslighted, lied to, and cheated on. I KNEW I wasn't going mad, or being stupid, or needy.

You aren't going to get the answers you seek, or an apology, or a return to when the relationship was wonderful, because the person you thought he was, and wanted, never existed. It was just a facade.

I moved on by acknowledging that I had dodged a bullet. That I was lucky to get out of it when I did, and that life could only get better - better anyway that the awful, toxic, demeaning mess of that relationship, where it took every ounce of willpower not to go back in the hope that life would be like the early heady days. I went back a few times before catching myself on.

Put him in a box, and put the box in the past where it belongs.

It does get easier. I met someone new who restored my faith in what it meant to be in a normal, loving, relationship. It took me a while to trust him, but I did.

Thanks for that little bit of hope lelly, im trying to move forward and ive overcome so much already, thanks for the advice x