Abusive Ex Getting Married

[gentlydoesit89]

My ex used to beat me up. It's as simple as that, and that's why in the end I left. He'd already cancelled our wedding a month before the day and cheated on me multiple times so it's really no great loss.

I'm happily in a relationship with someone else and we are very happy and looking forward to the future. Just to hit home that my confusion here is about myself and not me pining for my ex or being jealous at all.

He and his new partner are getting married. She knows all that happened between us so knows what he has the potential to do to a woman living with him, but has said that won't ever happen to her because she isn't a woman like me. Now I can't help but wonder why I was only ever good enough to be a punch bag. What kind of woman am I? I don't like the insinuation I brought it on myself and I feel quite low about it to be honest, that I didn't meet some criteria or that there was something wrong with me and that's why it happened. It's all very strange, and I'm scared of opening old wounds that took years to heal.
Don't really know why I'm posting other than to get it off my chest really.. thanks for reading.

*of justifying

Blaming you for HIS abusive behaviour is just another form of abuse. It's emotional rather than physical.

The truth is, he is a monster and saying that he treated you that way because of you means he doesn't have to own up to the disgusting woman beater that he is. He is justifying his behaviour, and the moment the new woman does something that he perceives to be wrong, he will hit her too. Emphasis on 'he perceives.' He doesn't get to dictate how anyone behaves and certainly is not allowed to abuse someone if they don't live up to his 'expectations.'

Don't listen to him OP. Don't let any of his words impact you. They are wrong and deflective.

Sorry, I misread that. Thought it was the ex who said that. I see it's the new woman. Still isn't true, and she sounds naive. She's in for a ride awakening down the road, if it hasn't already happened as others have said

• rude awakening

She isn't a "woman like you"? How insulting. Once his badness starts to seep out (it will) and he starts the insidious cycle of abuse, then she'll be exactly in the situation you were. Pity her OP; she's deluded and you're free.

So no, she isn't a woman like you I guess. She's saddled to an abusive pathetic excuse for a man, and you're not. X

He will abuse her too.

If he was previously outed as an abuser he will purposely try to show his new relationship off as ideal as he's trying to prove that he's not an abuser and you were the problem. So he'll put in a good show and so will she is she's trying to prove he's not abusive.

But he will abuse her too. And she'll probably keep it quiet as to not have egg on her face.

My ex husbands first wife once told me that she felt to blame for his abuse towards her and wondered why he hadn't treated me the same.

Only he had and actually much worse.

She left him after he threw a set if keys at her.

I stuck around for broken ribs, headbutts, getting strangled and finally a direct threat to shoot me.

There was even a newspaper article about me after one of his assaults on me was in the paper.

And said article and myself were then discussed on BBC radio.

Not all that glitters is gold and these men never change!

I suppose he's told her his version of events which is that you made him do it or similar. As pp said she thinks he'll change for her. Or shes more special than you. Shes not and the same will happen to her, probably not long after the ink is dry on the marriage certificate

I disagree that an abusive man hits because he chooses to. It's his nature. He can hide who he really is for a while but his true nature always comes through irrespective of who he's with. He just can't help it.

I'm really glad you aren't with him anymore OP.

My guess is what has happened here is he has been physically threatening to her - maybe raised a hand or even hit her. She told him she wouldn't put up with that and he apologised and said of course he would never do it again.

And she is naively thinking that this means she is a woman "like you" as in she wouldn't put up with it, she can control him, she sets boundaries and standards.

She doesn't understand that this means nothing to him. this is a stage along the way. It will get worse.

And even if he wouldn't abuse her because she isn't like you - what kind of woman wants to be with a man whom she knows has abused another woman??

Well at least she is going into this situation with her eyes wide open though it will have the same outcome poor thing.