Is it possible to get to middle age and realise you're gay?

[Confusedoldlady]

I've started a new email and new MN registration for this, I don't want any possibility of this getting back to me.
I'm in my 40s, married with children, and literally no one to talk about this to.
I feel like I've lived most of my life doing the right thing for other people.
At any point in my formative years if I've had any confusion or problems it was made clear that everyone was the same, everyone just had to get on with it. My parents and siblings were/are homophobic, and I've always been very compliant, to the point where I don't feel I've ever been able to be me.
I've never had much interest in sex with dh, although will enjoy it once I'm into it, but most of the time I'd rather not bother. I do love him though, and would never do anything to hurt him.
It feels ridiculous to get to my age and suddenly wonder if I'm gay or bisexual. Surely this should have been obvious to me at least!
I find very few people attractive, but of those I do, they are equally men or women, as I get older it's more women.
I can't work out if I really am gay/bi, or if it's some sort of midlife crisis.
Has his happened to anyone else?

Sexuality is not strict categories.

Think of it as a spectrum from "only ever attracted to men" through "could in theory be attracted to anyone" through to "only every attracted to women".

And at any time you could be attracted to a person and find that you would now consider yourself to be in a slightly different position on that line.

Where you are on that line, however, has very little to do with your marriage. If you are attracted to women or not, you first have to decide whether you want to stay in your marriage.

Who else you are attracted to only becomes relevant at the point when you decide to become single.

Who else you are attracted to only becomes relevant at the point when you decide to become single

Exactly.

I'm not terribly happy and if I did have the choice I would be single without the responsibilities I have. But I'm sure that applies to most parents/wives/partners at various life stages. Sexuality feels like an added layer to be confused about.

OP, are you in London? I ask because there's a lovely group for married bi/bi-curious women that I've been part of in the past. It's not intended as a match-making/hooking up thing, just nice cosy social stuff: drinks, talks, yoga classes, etc. PM me if you want further into.